Evolution's Ghost

~

2012-01-26T04:04:00.000-08:00

Miraculous Endpoint

We have greater possibilities than we ever succeed in revealing
Every day, we can choose to renew ourselves in divine direction.
It's one of the most profound phases and transitions we confront.
Accepting external opinions as directions, available flows missed
denying mind the the latitude of time compression for what's best.

Outcomes and bringing forth the human condition for its evolution
Seems dependent on our response and choice of best crossroads.
For the best paths of ascending open with choice to be conscious
with skills of translation to step up or down any stair communicated
willing a higher power the opportunity to grace a world, miraculous.

© 2/2012 rjduberg

*

2012-01-25T20:12:00.000-08:00

A Look from da Utterside:

An Inv for Recipient Status

I have certainly been given enough energy the last two days, enough to activate some very cold and unused literary talent. Can't tell you what might be at the source of this uptick in my wellness mission. Probably had something to do with some extra money floating around in my accounting. It is still a very discomforting experience for me to check into my physical beingness, moree specifically the instinctual part of the whole physical level of existence to which also defies the greater effort to categorize ourselves properly that such disagreements become settled and past.

Back to this uptick of mine. I have spent many hours the last two dqys writing for the first time in maybe 2 months with a few rare exceptions. Anyway ... it may simply wishful thinking on my part. As it is, I've lost confidence in this specific octave and have no immediate plans to do anything other than spend some quality time with a certain feminine octave instead. One of these days anyway ...

~

2012-01-25T01:20:00.000-08:00

Muse z'Darkside

Have forgotten how many or for how long
Mostly due to shifting my focus elsewhere
Lapse of memory is a worthless skill, isn't it?
Oh yeah, now I recall, fricken' hackboys...
Last one whined over lumber blindnesses!?

I have no doubts about my insanity on this
issues regarding my not having the integrity
I ask myself to do and for what next to again
For instance, already in this small strophe I did it
Again almost sly enough I almost didn't recognize
My own complicity in all that I find negative. Oh God...
Us men, poets of the heart, need a muse to survive I find...
What does it mean that writing her poetry failed in the end?
Though on any given day any number of women acted, "As If..."
said a word about the lumber something in your face revealing fear
is how fear looks fueling up too short for an otherwise peaceful passion
Quality over quanity is nasty complex puzzle I rarely achieve - far too brief
trigger of my condition centers on an imperfect and always fading memory.

For all the incomplete scenarios I was responsible for and ashamed
equally important and offsetting positives showed up for me with love
In a perfect world, my muse and I would have not suffered such cause
but would have realized a higher language and a greater skill of respect.
And for that prior expertise, is it no wonder death gets so close to chime in?
How many times did screech stop all proceedings in push for us to succumb
in destructive self defeat intensified and spread by regressing into childishness.

Passing through the eye, being reborn, raising one's level of consciousness, arereconciled in properly predetermined units of interrelated time crossing up instincts
creating an internal tide of divine fire, which leaves illuminated the evolution to higher
Man's only risk to himself, remains the greatest risk today, because we all get too personal
I do that and there's extra added obsession over meaning. The paradox of truth lies between
whatever that means and however long it takes us to celebrate fully the sacred source of mystery.
1st draft

© 2/2012 rjduberg

And yet ... another falling angel?

2012-01-24T04:09:00.001-08:00

Do you see the wings and body's backside?

Something from my phone

2012-01-24T04:05:00.001-08:00

*

2012-01-23T18:46:00.000-08:00

Answer to those known not to be "big fans" of poetry

A friend of mine wrote me recently as she and I are in the serial habit of writing each other as such ... I had recently shared an old poem of mine written in 1999 titled, Returning Word, which communicated elegantly something she has some rigid structures of resistance to, with her rational mind appearing disconnected from her heart leaving here uninformed per se. It continues to be a deep teaching moment for me as she persists in creating negations to my forays, turning them into platitudes. Such nonsense, really ... my most recent attempt to garner her understanding is of course culled by a new tact, as of course each new attempt must be I think, for me to continue to express and have any possibility for her. From using poetry I have reversed my focus back to logic and definitions and attention to meta language and communicating integral thought/thinking.

So, my answer to her statement follows...

What prompts you too close down communication like this? Impatience, vanity ... what? You realize that I am not my poetry, and you are not your "mission." Maybe you could suggest a metaphor for me other than language for the physical beingness we express? I'm thinking you might go with the vessel -> holy grail legend which you will always be famous in my memory for. The poem I shared with you was my expression to you, it was not an artifact per se but was as relevant the day I wrote it as it is today if not more so. Let me reiterate that - I didn't share or send you a "poem" but rather an expression I have channeled as poetry; but, which follows no formality or set of rules. If there is a basis that can be defined for choosing a creative writing paradigm like poetry to express myself at times, I suppose it is that the heart, at least my heart, I experience as a musical harmony in perfect time, and when relevant find my written discourse simply looks more like poetry than prose, voila. Whenever I speak both from the heart and without rational focus, my words found poetry far more simpatico than the rest of the possible types/classes/genres in the world. So it goes...

From another view, taking Rumi and Hafiz, as well as Whitman, Emerson, Shakespeare, Percy, ahhh, but the list could easily run on and on for me, why? Poetry is far more pleasing to read when one's consciousness is focused on the heart. As a reader, there is really nothing more exciting and rewarding than to discover a new poet, past or present; that, in the reading my heart sings and dances an understanding unto itself.

...

On further reflection I should add that my excitement over understanding a new poet emotionally is not in any sense like a liking for. In fact, a major portion of my favorite poets are really difficult reads (TO SAY THE LEAST :-). Rather, the excitement is due simply to understanding developed with a concordant illumination within. If the truth were really to be told, I sometimes read prose poetically and vice versa. Such fluidity characterizing my style of listening and reading might be considered as weak in concentration. That conversation is far beyond the scope of this post. Suffice it to say howver, that despite this apparent dissonance in communication (as I understand myself actively through it) my intuition seems to have a precedent level role leading me to more and more properly align myself though formal dictates appear broken. The relevant issue here is of course truth and the discernment required in order to both perceive and appreciate truth. It is a judgement void of personal taste, drama, and concern for external references, standards, fads, styles, etc.

With a proper acknowledgement of my rather banal dualistic revelation on the matter, the conversation regarding the truth of all that which I just now classified as falsifying; again, is a conversation far beyond the scope of this post. Yet again, one strives to be complete, as much as possible, with the greatest most concise amount of brevity one is capable of, particularly when one's tact is rationally based.

Returning Word

2012-01-11T06:40:00.000-08:00

Written in 1999, and recently honored in a favorite old poetry forum, when I read it again after more than a decade. I don't know how I managed to produce this then as I surely can't recall when I last equaled this poem. How many poems as this have I also forgotten, one wonders?

Don’t you know I would make it all good
in the image and spirit of all that is good.
There is no mountain tall enough
nor sea deeper than my love for this,
for you have touched me beyond reason
and you found my solitude
with no words spoken for the fragrance
that respects and that respect alone
will never be questioned nor rescinded.

That gift was a dawning star in a gesture
where such a gift means action
and gestures meaningless, save
that which brings forth radiant things
by such means as a simple nod
an unheard motion or voice emboldened.

A language heard by galaxies as poetry
laughing fat and heavy like any progeny
such as you, keeper of my silence,
illuminated of those listening within.
Bearer of heavenly bodies rank and file
sweet brigand radiant lovers of peace,
you manifest light silent but penetrating
manifesting now honor and my thanks.

Making a solitary moment of smiling
from here below on all you’ve done
acknowledging you’re immeasurable
surely the source of everything with
a face of peace to which I listen.

© R.J. Duberg , 1999

2011-12-31T04:02:00.001-08:00

Tongue of Love

The movement of life is a song
and my love is a feeling so long
the essence sustains not yet proud
a torrent under every passing cloud.

And above there, the mind still plays
for a rest, clarity of reeds does the wind
that love sings silently within the heart
a higher vibration called to liberate.

That which remains indescribable to me
My love offers boon in a conscious voice
And embracing new dimensions of being
comes on the lap lick of a wagging tongue.

© 12/31/2011 rjduberg

My Ineffable Leanings Today

2011-12-13T09:38:00.000-08:00

As a longtime student of Gurdjieff's work, at one time enthusiastically participating in what I persuaded myself was a real esoteric school of the fourth way with a conscious teacher in place, discovering my mistake was easily the greatest shock in my life since the original shock I received after awakening from my sleep a short while after finding Ouspensky's, The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution. That first shock was understanding the truth about how little truth and reality actually figured in my psychology, a humbling failure to simply stay conscious for a short walk from the bookstore to my dorm at UCSB was all it took. After rejecting outright my upbringing indoctrination into the Lutheran Faith not a moment after being confirmed, there was no easy way to relapse or lose the sense of gravity which that choice was based on. To renounce any of portion of the automatic inculturated programming which our youth absorbs and believes unconsciously and without critical discernment, nevermind such a massively moral code like religious faith requires a level of fearless ferocity in relationship to one's own mechanical need of comfort and approval that without at least some modicum of support from one's guardians or parents the possibility feels altogether imaginary. I happened to be graced by a Mother whose wish for me to be completely free to become my own man and make my own decisions, achieve my own successes and failures, was steadfast in her being my mother. This required some huge suffering of her own to achieve growing up, as she rebelled against the hugely indoctrinated and moral code of her parents by running away from home at as young teen before the age of adulthood with a muscian to live away from the oppression and feeling servitude which she experienced as a result of her brother being a prodigy despite being blind and taking away all the attention and support that she genuinely deserved but didn't feel coming and took this circumstantial situation as the gravest form of suffering any child receives short of actual harmful abuse. Children need to be cared for properly with vital aliveness of the best in us, at least, don't you think. Negligence of children is to cripple the best in them in both their happiness when young and throughout the rest of their life. She ran away from home with a young pianist studying with her brother because he gave her the attention she so badly needed. When his short sabbatical here ended off she went with him back to his home in Mexico City. Her recovery was I suppose at best something one might call civil in terms of relations, but looking back at my her parents and my experience of them growing up I can immediately recognize the undercurrent of negativity which to mom's credit was kept in check through a resurgent dedication as an obedient and grateful adult. With this perspective then one may be able to appreciate just how lenient and careful she was with me to always be there for me and yet do her best not to micro-manage or pass judgement as a parent since she knew first hand the kind of pain that way of being towards a child can create.

Interestingly enough without going into a long story about its arising, this commitment and stand on her part did not prevent her negative programming which her parents unconsciously dumped on her until she completely rebelled and ran away from homed from inciting me to do the very same thing during my senior year in High School. My sojourn was quite short however and not so far as to keep me from finishing school.

The important issue here was that to her credit there was enough conscious work at NOT being oppresive the way her parents were that I actually developed some level of understanding about my role and how it related to her actions in terms of what they made possible as a result. That with a protracted illness my father suffered, dying in my arms shortly before entering the confirmation process, and I was primed and prepped to act out radically in honor of these experiences. Experiencing my father's death so intimately sealed in me the gravity which my mother's wishes for me might not otherwise have made much of a difference. But after he died, not a day has ever passed that I have not contemplated death and life's fragile uncertainty.

So, when I participated in an exercise suggested by Ouspensky in his introduction to fourth way work designed to produce the first shock which has to do with GETTING one's inability to do or remain conscious, I knew that I had found precisely what religious faith, morality, and teaching lacked,. Authentic possibility and experience vs. a story. That first shock was internal in perspective and quite hard to share. Talking about it, and sharing it I've found does not induce in others the same experience that I had back in the beginning, due in my opinion to what I've shared here leading up to this point regarding specific conditions present in my childhood, shaping and influencing my process as it did. The next shock however, is an external one that I had when I realized the lack of integrity and proper care given by the conscious teacher I had adopted for several years. The disappointment was devastating, and my satisfaction in the work has never recovered yet to the point of finding a truly authentic conscious teacher to work with. Having been so taken in only to find my gullability irrevocably established upon the "teacher's" lack of conscious being reflected in his inappropriate and harmful exploitations of and abuses of his students for sexual and thus completely narcissitic and sociopathic gratifications, I have at least been ferocious in my assessments of everyone hence. There have been many teachers and yet none have succeeded in impressing me consciously at least as fourth way teachers of the caliber of Ouspensky or Gurdjieff. I don't deny that history is replete with such masters, but none of them remain beyond their aesthetic appeals and artifacts paying homage to their enlightened state and its capacity to produce higher impressions. It's only necessary to think of the Poetry of Rumi for example or the writings of Lao Tzu, or the Buddha to understand the nature of this higher energetic impression such master's works and remaining arftifacts communicate and create for those able to receive higher influence.

While I haven't actually run across a charismatic false prophet like the one that fooled me in the beginning, everyone since then while at times well versed and even charismatic in their self-expression and passion for the work only get as far as proclaiming and telling the story over, which I've developed a very sensitive "taste" for by its interpretive color and trapped design given by today's culture and way of doing things.

It's nothing short of such sorrow that I almost cannot bare to share, only that I am aware that such thought is unrelated to the reality of listening and response which others will actually have. In a culture of impassioned commitment to looking good, this change of heart and attitude is unexpected except for the fact that I continue to study the master's and fourth way ideas though without disipline or confidence that one would necessarily expect from having an authentic teacher to consult and learn from.

I'm still alive, despite many instances in which I could have easily expired and died, and as long as I'm still alive I will remain grateful if just for my magnetic center and its level of gravity which continues to bring me over and over back to a proper first shock with gratitude and evermore acceptance.

Life with ESRF

2011-11-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

End Stage Renal Failure. Complicated by Congestive Heart Failure and Restless Leg Syndrome. Spent most of last month in the hospital while my doctor's tweaked my medicine for days. I've been home now for about a week and doing better, but nothing near what I recall having when more healthy. One might say I've been through the wringer, but the truth is that its only just beginning. I do look forward to the day when I can really sink my teeth into some esoteric writing. I guess I'll just use this as a repository for my wish list of things to write on for now....

How the higher emotional center finds its patience: Focus on Long Thoughts

Putting Inifinity and Eternity into Perspective

The myopic view of Creationism

America's Politics: A Void of Leadership, A Lack of Perspective

Depression
The Art of the Interview: Safely Illiciting Trust, Freshness of Perspective

Tantric Suffering

2011-10-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

My response to Jivana's frustrations with attracting attention to her spiritual passion for Tantra Yoga, asking me, What's a Tantrika to do?

Moses has pretty much revealed the twist that he his IMHO and I wouldn't reflect negatively on yourself ever where he's concerned. I do love bold effort, just can't follow someone who blinks on and off without proper time. Let's ignore sizzle and look for a successful Tantric business model that feels good to you.

Reconsider your free insight as more of a solid challenge more or less. This strategy echoed "the Bruce" masculine fix it, identify it, believe you're right, and if challenged, act with balls to the walls, win/conquer/overcome/solve vs evolve ... how? As your insight, this "solution - cultivation" had a reality of how many possible understandings? 1) understood - now if this is true, such a person has in reality nothing more to anticipate from you in the sense of an exchange, but despite the large numbers of those who will attest to this option, I'd venture in reality none understand your meaning, why? Because you used a strong western term to describe a predominantly eastern notion. The bridge or proper frame for this looks to me like a "teaching" which you could insert into your offer, expanding your value substantially. 2) uninterested with false ideas and beliefs governing the listener's ability to connect a greater value to their own cultivation over their habituated western response which puts any kind of pill at the top of the list of pros in their decisions.

This can opposed with the truth however it deserves a certain vicious level of shock in your attitude to complete it. Personally, I don't think once you understand the SHEER insanity involved that you would have any problem generating a little awesome rage to share with our idiotic western male minds. But for me I'd simply make a short list of some of their more popular drugs and then cut a few sound bites out of those pharmacological media ads which today are forced to acknowledge the risks involved. All I'm saying is that more times than not what I hear are symptoms (all serious to deadly) which mostly resemble the worst case scenarios for taking the drug in the first place or greatly increase the possibilities for suffering, including death. Tell me how hard it would be for you to work up that aspect of the "teaching?" And, I think this dimension is or was all that was missing for me.

Healing is easily one of the biggest institutions here in the west and it should be no surprise that any openness to anything outside of the box is altogether unheard for all the noise and warfare going on inside over the business of control and profit. So here's the one negative you present. I called old school but its really all about attempting to fit your service inside of box long ago stapled shut and put out of the reach mainstream medicine.

My advice would be to start small but in a way that is so solid and consistent that you generate a field of momentum not unlike that surrounding the corner 7/11 store. Evident in your own defense in the use of the words pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a vision WANTING/DESIRING to bring those most important values which exist outside of the box were talking about to those committed to staying in the box. Though my explanation exists on a very high meta level of understanding, I feel most if not all sense this kind of disconnect in terms of westernized standards of pragmatic action.

Western masculinity loves to chew things up and if there is not enough to chew on because of authoritative levels of credibility (purpose of the institution) value falls through an all encompassing "snake oil" crack reserved for such disconnects of foreign offers which do not pay homage to the western man's need to BELIEVE enough to feel righteous in his decision. So, in so many ways it all comes down to understanding what the western paradigm can digest initially which I've given several pointers about regarding protocols of style. Faith is the big twist for western man because essentially his faith is only a mask of his ambition to conquer and feel righteous superiority over himself, versus a truly spiritual faith which is beyond the scope of these issues to get into.

What's a tantrika to do? I suppose if it were me, I'd spend some time simply recreating a core community of tantrika fellowship, worship, and development where the spirit of Tantra as it exists alive today and now in you and your sister goddesses becomes ordered properly. In the fourth way, one of the gems that Gurdjieff had to offer was called the law of 3. It states that all of manifestation happens due to the interaction of 3 laws, called the law of 3. These three forces are called affirming, negating, reconciling OR active, passive, neutral.

The question for me to you about Tantra and more specifically what your offering has to do with whether or not it has stopped being the affirming force in your manifest existence. The second force called passive or negating can also be seen as forming a vessel or boundary in opposition to the affirming force. I don't think I have to get into the abundance of that force in the west today. The third force called neutralizing (in the sense of the conflict and tension imaginable holding the first two forces in check) and reconciling refers to skillful means and design in order to achieve whatever the desired result is one wants. So, for instance, a simple example of this is easily demonstrated by considering a canal.

Now apply this law to your complaint's basis in which your pitch appeared opposed by Tantric Ignorance. Great pitch, but a deeper look into western society shows the masters of the pitch achieving and manifesting nothing as our esteemed legislatures in Washington are currently chronicling in the worst way in America's history. Another little teaching not unlike the earlier one on negative side effects caused by the very drugs designed to relieve us of such and such.

OK...I've got to stop here but I hope the law of 3 helps you think about what you can do a little bit. More than anything else, for me, Tantra's source is the sacred celebration of all that is man and woman and how approaching the opposite sex from reverence and love authentically shows up as ecstasy and bliss leading one further into the divine mystery to which every successful step taken marks yet another chapter of man's real evolution and destiny.

At some level of course everything I just said can and will be reduced to Bruce's level, so then what is the difference that makes a difference for that NOT to happen? Have faith in your Tantric practice and let yourself receive the gift your mind cannot by itself produce nor generate enough energy to manifest even if it were so enlightened.

In a truly masterful and authentic offering then, one takes away a feeling of not having heard about something but a far higher and more energetic sense of having witnessed the truth and mystery. The real essence of Tantric beauty power and spirit occurs for me right here as I realize the perfect unfolding nature of reality in its ordered weaving of threads beyond my comprehension but consciously recognized RECONCILING being the fullest integrity of what is polarized in dualism, and blossoms as UNITY, a state beyond all words or language's ability to express.

Ahhhhhh, but you say, here now at this moment where do I start? If after reading my "take" here 3 times, if you still have that question, can we speak about it then?

love,rj

Nondualistic slice #1

2011-09-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

The Fight for Non-Dualism

All of a sudden I have been venting on statements received from others having a lack of integrity or non-dualistic structure and of course the concomitant presence of higher consciousness, really grinding on the issue since it clearly precedes any proper recognition of higher consciousness and the eloquence and process higher states provide. There is with each higher step and degree to one's vision upward the possibility of receiving new higher influences based in higher forms of thought and truth. So, I belabor on exchanges having one aim in mind, to evoke some degree of recognition in favor of true non-dualistic possibility by demonstration.

That's good enough for a lead in on a excerpt I'm going to post here right now for demonstration taken from some lengthy correspondence on facebook today ...
Am I kidding? Maybe, are you? lol ... but really let's stay focused on non-dualism if we may. For me it is top shelf in the horizon of evolving new age twaddle, IE not the twiddle, but possibilities relating to evolution and real ascending consciousness in this work. I'm assuming your comments may lead to a substantive reveal since the page were on is dedicated to this state of being, is it not? Regardless, the difficulty of this may appropriately be understood for the outrageous comedy that has ensued from your rent. Personally, I have never seen the efficacy in crying wolf or running to mommy, acting the fool, as a strategic response which theoretically in some cases might jostle somebody out their dualistic underpinning in their world view. The style by which progress was articulated in the dualistic paradigm was in its current most hideous form something I like to refer to as the Boehner Rule. Deny Deny Deny, if you say it enough, invalidate opposition enough, this preponderance was thought to secure a properly persuaded debate on whatever. However, why don't you just take handgun and shoot me for all that's worth. The question regarding non-dualism is on the table I think correct me if I'm wrong. I'll add some more twaddle received just today by an active feminist speaking on my twaddle phone. I had questioned the aphoristic offer she had posted in much the same way I made an issue of "expect nothing" here. Her response was, "dear Robert, what ever brings you to freedom. Now. Go for it."

And again, what is so revealing in these exchanges is how my non-dualistic inquiries are never comprehended or understood and the reality of how dualistic thinking and paradigmatic thought works reveals quite mechanically, unconsciously, and without value. It's complicated but until people actually begin to observe these patterns as they become activated and processed in their moment to moment daily lives, the best I may hope for when tossing general principle on the board might be some resonation effect such as I got you from you. Entertaining as it was, I assume you won't question me if I don't pursue your responses further for their erudition or enlightenment on this subject. T'wood be nice though ROFL ... but in closing, let me just leave such responses as condescending as their patronage becomes for me for you to NOT consider worthy of such responses as they unfortunately twist up on themselves.

Gesturing, posturing, meme sorting and prioritizing, classic to all standards of polite styling are better off simply eliminated and dropped. We are not attending a tea party here and the issues are in fact lethal. The observations of integrity and authentic engagement, long ago defined such feints and game playing as essential violations to the efficacy of this dialectic, with of course the one primary authentic exception being the one genuine expression which opens that letter containing the fully innovated expressions of the next level's eloquence vetted and delivered. There is no room for stone throwing character assassinations or game playing having at its source a lack of comprehension or baseline understanding that brings a participants energy and attention online in the collective's best fashion.

It's not an easy question is it? I no quite often its much easier to indicate the absence and persistence of dichotomies which in their very measure have no means to bridge the infinite or allow man to ascend even another level in how he orders the structure of his thought. Take again what was said by a active feminist "twaddler" today as a response to me ... "dear Robert, what ever brings you to freedom. Now. Go for it."

Ahh, second thought, give me the gun so I can shoot her and put her out of her misery and mine LOL It's too late in this post to get rigorous with the mind over just how this t'woodspeak is the lock on otherwise intelligent people's lives, made possible by the core dynamic of dualism as it informs and structures thought in its own light. Being able to directly see dichotomous polarities as factual structure to dualistic thought is the first step. The second is to understand the reality of how one includes the other and the illusion Belief creates splitting that reality in a way denying arbitraraily, one side its validity using the Boehner Rule. Anyway ... that's enough from me on Non-dualism today ... not that anyone understood it or was listening. I do reserve my own feelings which always ascend in completing my own efforts with sincerity. G'day.

PS-We could pretend though and play nutball games. Conforming has always been the preferred fallback position, but only because nobody actually remembers the subtext making it necessary and useful in the first place.

PSS-I invite comments, for this conversation is far from over and I can't think of anything that would tickle me more that somebody having understood enough to extend this roll along its proper path without me doing all the work all the time. Namaste, rj

A First Draft titled, Just Sayin' What?

2011-09-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

Recognized Bias more honest?

Just Sayin' What?

Draft One
by Robert Duberg

Nothing said ever did justice to the perception of a diamond by the true feminine mind of the goddess within. There, the light of brilliance in what matters penetrates beyond sexuality even but not without providing the platform by which sexuality is resolved by the rock, where notions of clarity reach their highest form. And with men, their beauty reflects in their best friend cliche, their palace dog, that unconditional expression of love of the highest form between man and his world. Looks good on paper to most though I doubt most even stop to consider, some to stupid to get out of the way of oncoming storms. They get a sign tied to their big toe, for the death that has taken them is ruled by entropic extremism only. Life is defined by the opposing energy which sustains systemic vitality, the coherent structure through which the process of living moves. Understanding the paradox of contraction ("holding it together") as it directly creates the condition in which our lives actually thrive, again, is an art which has all but been lost on humanity at present.

Halfway through my own life, the decline is accentuated in a stepped up kind of way. I can respond, but my responses seem far too slow on the uptake, pathetically missing any compromise sufficient and innovative, and only rarely enough or properly justified to the critical mission of staying on course, awake, and centered in the most high gravity of higher consciousness. My progress, a thread of penetrating insight and integrity, through each new moment arising, is often nil. Not less than a several times a day I am busy behind the scenes of ordinary perception and recognition open to my brethren, rejoining, re-igniting, redefining but at least refining my resources along higher roads having possibilities proper to my path, proper enough to evoke a feeling it is the best one I know that has heart. A path with heart, simply means a path one feels with the deepest part of my heart in which the seat of my conscience resides. Conscience is our compass on honor which reflects human order. Anything else, leads by entropy to living arbitrarily in the end, yet another free pass for death to enter and take what spiritually is our destiny without resistance or effort, that higher possibility long ago snuffed out by some concession to comfort or nod to conformity.

Our victorious destinies require this little discipline of our attitude which seems a paradox in the wise but is simply a seriousness approaching the strength of death itself but orthogonally in a conscious valuation of what being alive offers us ultimately. The short version for this author on the subject of entering that level where the possibility becomes enough of an issue to keep me awake in the dead of night, when there is NOTHING naturally holding me to the line needed to see me through to that infinite dawn's light within was being their in my father's extended fight to stay alive in the end when he succumbed to a cardiac event. Attuned and hyper-vigilant at the age of 11 without any idea of the extreme position that put me in down the line, his heart attack in the restroom called to me silently and I arrived within seconds to break his fall, lay his body on the ground, cradled, his head in my lap, whereupon the process in progress became clear to me even then for its being his last on this plane of existence in this life we shared, a legacy that defines the essence of life that's mine, in part. His death then, was a propelling force far outside normal boundaries of human affairs at that age. Death's paradox is its essential primer for being and consciousness at the next level, with enough supporting and higher influences nearby to help. And NOTHING says it quite like Death says it even when denied its intent to consume the remains of spirit with entropic overwhelm which annihilates that grip of spirit which allows for such complexities as humanity brings to thrive and evolve in fact, as in synthetics and inventions which long ago eclipsed what nature has come together for us to exist in the final analysis. Where we draw the line and own and make ours as the source of our own being distinct and not attributable except in the sophist's logic of Newtonian days gone by is by far yet another missing piece of the human iconography by which his true spirit can be known. Be in the world but not of it, is a cliche waiting the next level.

The moral of a life lived from a point before my teens in which I succeeded in keeping my father alive only to have him die in my arms, would certainly make sense only in clarifying that pain of which I personally draw a line around as to its being unnatural, something having an existence relevant ONLY to mankind. Natural Death is not the issue, it is the meaning my father's death specifically created in my essence or what it means for me to be alive as a human being. Thus, my death, in the way I speak of it especially is NO longer natural in any way. My view of it sees a humor which most would find rather strange, and its true, even now I am chuckling over the way I died to natural means and ways and have been ever since that fateful day as a child. The next level looms and calls me out reminding me any hesitation or lack of commitment or willingness is less clarity and a choice for death in the end. When everything in my conscience and heart screams against this, its fair to ask how it so often makes no difference with so very few and rare individuals holding to the higher roads by which liberation from suffering disappears for those ascending at some point. The story of man's true possibilities is the story of his waking sleep, defined by falsity and incomplete chaotic integrity of being, which as a structure shackles him unconsciously to realms of being by which most accept without question. The paradox of death is perhaps the most potent one indeed, if you consider how direct experience of it in a clarified relevance never-ending both confirms and verifies one's true knowledge as well as removes something necessary in order for man to defeat it or otherwise deny it when it comes calling.

In closing then, the next level or the last level as chronologically relevant here is reversed and comes first in importance and value. But, not only that paradoxically but also in a way holographically, not simply added to or calculated or computed in to our life calculus but throughout and beyond the dimension of time, beginning and end. This kind of change is next level and probably ought to be reserved even past new age terms like transformation as well. The guts of this, this higher road, which honored appropriately expresses a shift minimally along the axis of order itself is not content but a field of possibility content expresses some relevant vital impression worthy all by itself for the listener to attend to now.

The paradox of rules runs up its flag on this pole. While the past saw us reminding ourselves of such boundaries, rules, means, and ways which supported the order of that day. Today's reminders must be remembered to in fact express something else distinct from memory. If held from within from this level of clarity in one's discerning spiritual light, the proper step to the next level is at least in theory emerging between us. Knowledge beyond memory is knowledge between memory, the last frontier where knowledge has yet to be understood as unknown but discoverable. Thus Vonnegut's time speaking on the essence of a good story means to my reader a finding of light which re-dazzles a diamond clarity, raising that clarity into a realm beyond memory but living magnificence and realms of power no words have yet been spoken sufficiently unto. The hero today remains Vonnegut himself, give no small claims to that character at the root of your story for now. Heroes speak for all of us and only when Johnny is on the spot, in full regalia, making the point without any confusion or lack of attention from those that matter. What Vonnegut wanted was to help us write better, what this writer wants is for the reader to not be unsatisfied, and what my father wanted ... was a paradox for me in that he died when he really wanted to live, and in a double twist ... he wanted to speak to me across the veil of death to confirm that place which humanity continues to spin out about in terms of how to proceed through and back.

Can language be a hero, a character in a story one can root for?

IF not then, unable to represent the possibilities now extending within, who or what shall one root for and if not a hero then what? Express the matter/spirit boundary given by measurable and immeasurable dimensions of existence in language which itself has yet to evolve the capacity recognition allowing the speaker to connect properly on the issue with a listener. (the listener, having only memory to orient to what is received as far as accessing order, is structurally limited to a realm incapable of evolving in which humanity can share truth with others about this aspect of life, in which order can be held vital through the transition and detachment from the human material form.)

What does it mean to consciously lose the human form and continue to align and order energy without the material structure one's life and death define naturally?

- the possibilities for progress are? -- our non material energetic power intuited in the ideas of INTENT AND WILL connected with clear synchronistic manifestations which reflect in the material realm but like ocean waves are in the world but not of it or shall I say intrinsic to baselines on which the material realm is based and centered on. Mentally, the primary engaging interactive element by which we are connected to all of that is called our memory. Paradox is a characteristic of higher roads and thinking, which form the style of liberation as it is expressed in langauge through the human mind. Thus, progress looks like backwardness, contradiction, and anything but linear refinement which was the hallmark of progress up until this point of higher non-dualistic thought and consciousness.

What can be said to expressing stories when this new pattern emerges for which the probability of having a prepared and ready listener approaches zero still? Can writers from higher consciousness write even while all the pertinent and relevant meaning is stripped moment to moment from their words leaving whatever is left without any single sniff of something original, what possibly will sustain their motivation to write in such dire and dismal conditions?

And of the masters who were able to sustain the motivation and publish their compendium despite this recalcitrant and unreciprocating and unforgiving and unbending resistance to their just sayin what they want, everything they accomplished must at some point be undone ultimately. Thus, one's response to their just sayin' is justified to the extent that one can criticize it intelligently enough without being swooped up into the hell that is the mystery. That's the eventual destination just sayin' reaches anyway, and certainly by all ways and means to be avoided. It matters, the truth is not something incomprehensible, but just sayin' whatever even if the genius of the speaker is unwavering matters not. It'll be much harder to rectify the Christian Cult and its victims in the end compared to the cynical unconscious humor entailed in mockery aimed at conspiratorial doomsday sayers. The initial impulse which just sayin presents, the shock of a reality that is NOT all that which our memories present it to us to believe as such with beginnings and ends and solidity and mass, IF NOT actively engaged in inventing and struggling with a narrative which properly moves towards (since that is all one can expect without consensual agreement among humanity's speakers and listeners) THE NEXT LEVEL, to be true to one's commitment to spirit in this situation is to check in to the space of possibility within and come from there voluntarily suffering the struggle of what to say when one has no memory to regulate and organize. Creativity is and has got to be ongoing, and at a level that speaks beyond justice but penetrates realms without apology that are mystical. The best way is to retain some small thread of linear dichotomy such that ordinary reader's, though dissatisfied, aren't able to continue the confining imprisonment which associative memory asserts on us. The confusion will be a positive one as it has been said but now with particular relevance ... the most important conversation each of us needs to engage in is exactly that one which leaves us the most confused and dazed. To see the active paradox at work in that understanding is to hit the last leg of the wrap up of my so called short story . Again to Vonnegut's requirement that we're either revealing character or forward action, sentence by sentence ... my sense falls mostly into the notion of action, where the character remains paradoxical and problematic for the very simple fact that very few have the capacity to appreciate paradox presented as anything other than an oddity. To present it as a core value and foundation of structure in thinking will continue to be part of the struggle for me until such time that it isn't.

Have I been sadistic enough? Well no quite frankly, and again paradoxically, without this element it always seems as though readers lean to characterizing their experience or read as itself sadistic or laborious minimally as such. It may be that the doom-saying still retains some value precisely here but my initial response to that is that it just seems awfully convenient and thus lacking proper consideration. Yet the question remains regarding this idea of sadism by Vonnegut which I prefer to think of in Emersonian terms of INSTIGATION. It all comes down to the idea of the best way to engage the reader, introducing some level of pain (the higher the better as this proportionately means a greater or lesser degree of attention) to which everything else one says follows more or less effectively or not at all.

One person doesn't mean individual, but could also mean stereotype I think, do you?

Cutting to the chase, was not quite as vivified as I remember intending it to be prior to my opening words today in writing this story. These things are on me then to make a difference next time around. Opening must be a rush of pertinence minimally ... if I do nothing else, I can have fun with that and see if you agree on the next level manifesting as ordered.

9/21/2011 rjduberg

New Illustration Series - Terp Model

2011-09-06T17:12:00.000-07:00

Understanding the Vibration

2011-08-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

The Wiggle of Higher Mind

2011-08-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

Finished up with Mr. John Abe's philosophical dump of sophistry. Boy's got massive visually artistic talent which he is applying to something I get the impression he is being led to do by some very powerful etheric agents which I'm afraid don't have a clue about what they're doing. Of course, my standards nearly always fail anyone's attempts to articulate their "own" truth. Two other "sages" I ran across yesterday online with their vids blah blah blah, sounding all Advaita and nondualistic like, were such crap.

There is a bit of a litmus test to discerning the strength of a speaker's message intellectually, but it's necessary to create a space for this discernment using one's emotionality or whole body felt attention, one's feeling sense. With this intuitive, most sensitive and quickest apparatus or function that we have for sensing our conscious world, the idea I'm talking here has to do with quickly PINGING the speaker's Point of View. This is in many ways analogous to sonar in the sense of our feeling a certain factor to the energy of intellect and thought being expressed. I organize the spectrum along a polarity range from Frozen to fluidly flexible. And place the zenith point for strength somewhere nearer fluid but not too far from the mean, always dependent on context obviously which will determine margins and offsets within my analogy. The idea again, has to do with having the feeling that the speaker is presenting possibility of wiggle room in their articulation such that they clearly understand that interpretations in language ALWAYS involve some margin of error, bias, and blur of attention.

Does this make sense? Because, until you can feel just how the speaker is themselves relevant to their knowledge it won't make any sense. Let me give you an example on how this shows up. If I consider myself relevant as a open possibility and ongoing and in process, with a clearly established fluidity to my boundaries in my self image and beliefs then my account of my knowledge in language is going to reflect a conscious determination of where I stand in relation to my ideas in the present, not mechanically but because the act of remembering and SEEING knowledge from its best view from the present is a sure antidote to the dangers associated to dogma and the closed mindedness that dogma represents.

So how does this work, well as I have studied and observed the process in myself, I have seen an increasing willingness to test my knowledge for wiggle room, not from the position of discerning strength of intellect in terms of relevance per se but so as to double down on my previous extensions freed from any fear of archaic dualistic thinking such as being right or getting it right. the Greater the wiggle I can include without losing the context or knowledge gestalt, my experience is the greater the fun factor and the power of my presence to stand as presence due to my knowledge having a field of possibility instead of a point of view or contention. This sets up the possibility of launching into the relationship between being present and integral thought in higher levels of consciousness, and I would essay on that note in order to explore what I can right now in the relationship between non-duality and presence but I think enough pontification has been done for one night and I will close with the simple reiteration that KNOWING non-duality supports and allows being present in the now in oneself IS A VERSION of my knowledge with almost zero wiggle room.

If you can feel that FROZEN, SET, STATIC QUALITY to the statement versus all the rest of my statements in general then you are getting some feel for what I'm intending you to get, which would make me very happy indeed. I will await your comment on that at your pleasure.

Fourth Way Essay: Going Beyond Higher Consciousness

2011-08-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

Going Beyond Events of Higher Consciousness

For the longest time my mood has been depressed and my response was just to sleep. But the truth is that there is a higher level of conscious humanity existing in non-physical realms that spend their EFFORTS on such opportunities, we as evolving newbies with respect to spirit, give them. There is a truly paradoxical character to this connection and flow that we have in us to create with higher consciousness. I almost hesitate to say it because of its simplicity, however; the truth (when dislodged from any finite loci, center, or nexus even) freed from bias and position does in fact account for everyone, unifying the essence of men at least in theory, although language still fails to communicate that unity properly. Thus the residual discord when Christ says, "Except that you accept me as the way, you will not step one foot into heaven." (paraphrasing his remark there...)

Unless one can separate that truth from the man, the finite shell now returned to dust, such statements are statistically I think bound to annoy most (except of course for those who "believe") intelligent people. But consider what his way was essentially, what his attention focused on ESSENTIALLY, where he came from ESSENTIALLY, which was interiorly/inward/into his conscious being. The external/outward appearance which everyone pays attention to in life, is a dead end and where most come from, their "sense of I" fabricated and identified to circumstances present arbitrarily in relationship to them via the external world, physical world. Part of the Fourth Way Teaches this very important point as a key to evolving one's being. Conscious influence or help from conscious humanity for one's evolution must be understood to come from within. What happens in the external physical world which we label as synchronicities, unfathomable convergences and miraculous manifestations, are all created by our own being in the world. Such events, as they more or less may be called supernormal by us personally are actually reflections of higher influence at work in our own being and finally finding their way into the physical world on spiritual levels within the this realm, such as harmonics in energy fields and flows, synchronicities, symbology, archetype, etc.

There is an easy mistake to make right here by once again pushing our egoistic I of self-importance forward in understanding such miraculous events that at least for me have taken place throughout my life (both even and mistake to be sure), like the first time I had the Lord's prayer explained to me for its esoteric meaning and how that meaning directly reflected the fourth Way's Work in its being a daily reminder of my relationship to higher influence. In the days following my introduction to this esoteric side of the Lord's Prayer I was playing golf when I decided upon confronting an 80 foot chip shot to the hole from just off the green to say the Lord's Prayer knowing and understanding in the living active context of my fourth way Work, the golf shot to be a reflection of that Work in terms of aim and hitting the Mark, etc. After my recital silently and inwardly, I proceeded to chip in my shot which had such a high probability of not going in as to be close to the odds of winning the Lotto, but in association to my recital and attention, one can only marvel at the POWER of higher influence when out pops manifestations as miraculous as the one I've just described. And for a man to heal others as Christ did, by simply saying, You're healed! With a report following, that recorded the person in fact healed (at least so far as we believe the Bible to be accurate, however that's problematic at best). The truth of his spiritual power was NOT in how he said it, or how virtuous or skilled he was, or how sincere and loving and intentional ... his power was his attention permanently planted inwardly and aimed at higher consciousness to the point of being one with that infinite source which I think it is fair to say CREATED all that exists. That shift and transformation of one's attention which has been habituated to the physical sensorium is precisely what is most key to the Work of the Fourth Way, called Self-Remembering.

Now the truth of that is so simple I dare not repeat it again. It's no more complicated than being transparently focused inwardly with our essence and attention at the same time that the external world continues to flow through our lower centers of function. This is the Work, struggling to stay awake and exercise our conscious choice and will to raise our level of consciousness, this way of being.

May you have the One Taste which imbued with grace and divine light is now familiar to you so that you can always recover and return to the one true spirit which is your creator 8-)

There's a deeper layer that I think deserves some further exposition - on having to do with moment to moment flows in attention and that with respect to the external world how it is in our interest with respect to the descending octave of higher conscious C influence as it flows through humanity devolving materially into B influence commonly regarded as higher forms of art, literature, science, philosophy, etc., that can due with some greater elucidation here with emphasis on how to use this aspect of the external world to support and help cultivate higher energies within us. As we take in these higher impressions around us, the basic impact of such physical manifestations or artifacts to those with enough understanding to benefit or raise their energy by attending to such physical impressions is critical. It is right here as we confront the struggle inwardly that certain keys to the Fourth Way can be verified, such as centers of function and the multitude of "I"s, some of which want nothing to do with higher truth and simply want to "turn" or "play." This use of 'play' is however in distinct opposition to more creative notions of "play," of which I am not referring to. Play here is associated with recordings of internal memory which we to some extent more or less in our unconsciousness identify with and play over and over, without choice, out of complete mechanical habit, due to our attention being imprisoned there through identification and false personality.

However, the benefit that comes from even the slimmest conscious attention given to B influence in the world is the experience of a shock to our being. Such moments of attention return us to an interior space of presence, consciousness in moment (attending to this requires an effort of will and intention and the moment we stop giving this special inward attention, this level of consciousness of our being vanishes). There is some degree in that moment of feeling our presence including higher functions, speed, and cognitive power, which is a NON-SELF Field of presence, that responds to the power of our will to intend and attend inwardly. All to quickly, all of us fall asleep to this possibility and our attention returns to external stimuli which is processed mechanically, registers in our memory mechanically, and so on and so forth. Understanding this slope outward and how to keep from being taken away by it into a slide back into rational materialism and subjectivity, self-delusion, etc., is one of the biggest 'battle-fronts' for me in my Work at present.

In conclusion, succeeding to create this inward connection and attention on higher consciousness can only happen by annilhating lower identifications and the attention and energy those identifications link and anchor in the physical external world. The closer and more conscious we become of consciousness itself, consciousness which comes from the original source of ALL that is, will continue helping our evolution by providing clear insight into that Source's Will, our evolution at this point traverses a scale from self-will to doing the will of the ALL, whatever that means. The idea that one's integrity, to the extent that it is committed to evolving consciousness and love for that Will, is our only tenuous hold on ascending in our efforts impresses me as troublesome only insofar as I continue to identify with lower "I"s with no sense or interest in higher truth and possibility in life. All that said, however, the main dictum which remains in force and relevant as asserted in the Fourth Way is never believe anything but verify the truth and relevance of all that one hears or is told.

Playing a little with Photoshop Masks

2011-08-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today was just having fun with Photoshop, waiting for some calls, and just chiilin, enjoying the evolution!

Next Best Thing

2011-08-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

If you have never watched the Rachel Maddow show, I highly recommend it, especially for the left. Her show is a political editorial comment/interview hour that leans left, but without distortion and with her delightful feminine presentation, butch as it is. A very intelligent and nice lady, who on top of everything else has modeled some segments after John Stewart's show like his Moment of Zen. Her moment is The Next Best Thing. Today I was watching her show when a couple things got my attention, one a definite and the other due to my ignorance already 200 years old but still cool. kerfuffle is the first one. A noisy commotion has been described using this word at least times in the media already today. Takes a lot of the threat out of the noise for me anyway. The other thing is Gum, a kind that changes flavors mid-chew. How cool is that?

Created Means

2011-08-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

In one sense Art is the gift and blessing we have as humans to live a life constantly subject to termination and forfeit. The very question regarding just how much Art has changed the world, if it ever has goes to the heart of this matter. Let's say it did, let's say something created today ended all forms of sexual assault. Now, I can't think of a more heinous crime with perhaps the greatest number in favor for its elimination from human behavior, better yet let's just end all wars with the opening exhibition of my latest painting. Now that the world has changed, now what? LOL Do you see the load of sand concealed in this question? People really ought be more skillful in their participation and stop asking questions which have nothing meaningful to offer except to fill someone's need for interactive noise I guess.

But to finish this argument in obliteration of the illusion IE the implied value of Art's relevance to our World and more importantly what is not working in our world and needs fixing through positive change. In one sense, I have just handed you the real answer you were looking for. I don't know why you had to make art part of the equation for positive progress with respect to chronic conditions which degrade our happiness in some way. But whatever , the theme is Art, an antidote for life living in this world? OR, a narcisstic self-indulgent diversion and distraction from our paying attention more seriously and effectively to this world and those breakdowns with continue to impact us?

That really seems to be the undisclosed moral issue at work here for the questioner. As long as he thinks of this dualistically, I doubt any formulation of his inquiry will be capable of producing much more interest in me except to close my answer by suggesting everyone to consider just what a remedied world moment would be like as an invitation to move forward minus the call for heroes and what not.

For me, I don't see Art changing or our relationship to it changing, which is to say that Art functions for us as an end in itself NOT as a tool which by virtue of its originality would suggest for itself to be considered whenever progress comes to a standstill or stagnant conditions begin to accumulate. But this opens a whole different can of worms I think. As an end in itself, providing us with a record of aesthetic value we can consume in the future and to some extent relive and recapture the original bounty in terms of new energy Art often creates in the viewers, I see Art as a really cool icon of creativity and its intensity, capacity to create joy and fun, and also its depth from which true originality springs every once in a while.

It's man's primary internal playground of the highest aspirations and most gifted souls. In that space of dynamic play, man connects with a vibrational level in the cosmos which echoes true freedom I think. Along with everything I've said then there is one moral imperative I'd close this essay with which is an admonishment to all to ALLWAYS do the very best work they can and then push that at least one degree every time you think of it. Why?

By being devoted to Giving, from the creative paradigm, everything you have on all levels, IMHO it aligns our consciousness of flow and the karmic links attached there closer to the religious leader's notions regarding prosperity - the reaping of what you sow, without need or even capacity at times to explain positive results which accrue out of that space (where miracles and magic happen). For sure, one thing ought to be understandable enough and that is that if the choice is a conscious one, making one's metaphysics tightly relevant to the sociopolitical dimension of life (at least for those who truly want to make a difference on that level) could very possibly be the worst thing you could do. When Art itself, given a person's abundant attention and then some, IS whatever antidote one might conceive of being needed for our evolution. AT LEAST on the level of source and possibility, it ONLY reconciles and transforms when the artist's aim remains giving and not exploitive, for this unconditioned offering is necessary for the artifact's beauty. An artifact opens the viewers ability to imagine possibility for themselves beyond and in ways divine and unseen. Mostly we just experience the greater love inflowing through our consciousness, and in that sense a viewer's experience is unified to the artist and his being in life is validated as having some aspect of perfect value, confirmed, realized, created.

Defining Powerful Art...

2011-08-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

Questioner: Does the most powerful art come from adversity or equally from pain and pleasure?

Define 'powerful' first maybe? There are so many different discrete volume settings associated with an artist's dynamic range of inputs blended more or less skillfully in an artifact. Notions like adversity combined with pleasure and pain doesn't help this innocuous probe into artistic value. Especially given how these ideas are more indicative of the tactile sense (though adversity implies a psychological conflict).

Isn't that real seat of where Art begins to manifest as a process in man which culminates in the final artifiact created? The level to start this inquiry in where Art's primal beginnings originate creativity obviously must be where free will and imagination interact the most dynamically and free, somehwere more or less pragmatic or not. The essential neuropathway forms the foundation for the cognitive engine from which art may be properly considered to have as its source. There are of course old models regarding creativity which juxtapose it against states of blissful serenity beginning with the friction and heat generated by opposites sexually and through sublimating that adversity instead of transforming it with love into ecstacy, creativity has historically been seen to get its POWER or potency of effect.

But please know my response is based on more conjecture than it is on having any confidence that I in fact am spot on with respect to the questioner's true search? I mean with all due respect the right answer for this particular question ought to be about the hierarchy of details, each serving its own purpose and yet the entire gestalt arbitrarily conceived of within the artist's mind defines powers of originality. Powerful art is the successful reconciliation of dualism by the artist in his own cognition and with precision translated and expressed formally and materially in the world in which the typical adversity present in dichotomies is resolved in an integirty, call it what you wish by difference of perspective it matters not except that all verify the existence of beauty as the common denominator forming the essence of that integrity.

Thus the essence of beauty has ore to do with a certain balanced structure to relationship which thus gives rise to the old adage that it is in the eye of the beholder.

Congressional Insanity

2011-08-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

I could talk about it but I'd rather show you a beautiful photo I found today.

2011-07-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

2011-07-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Soo ... What did you do today?

From time to time I have to revisit the web's hellacious evil core, not because I'm stupid. I'll have you know that I kept my ground and gave away no ghastly clicks, but going back to the killing fields of the web was truly time consuming and all I have to show for it is an upset stomach, hunger, a little uptick in my wisdom perhaps for refamiliarizing myself with the Trickster's and their content, their pitches, and the reality and truth of what I can only describe as GOD FORBID predatory manipulation and nonsense which by design is a linguistic net that'll steal your life from you.

I'm less furious about this condition today than ever before but I don't recall seeing this black evil cancer growth in the web ever more sophisticated, effective, and well better designed to capture those who still do desire by temptation.

I know all my buttons, and I know the principle themes that everyone's buttons branch from. What I found today echoes something I'm seeing in the mainstream as well and even more powerfully in our government today which is a drama designed to generate fear and tension in the listener due to certain deeply embedded beliefs which are still unconscious for us and active and yet allow us to be manipulated into pawns and Matrix power hook ups.

Every once in awhile it is educational however to jump in the stream leading down to where the falls drop into a dark hellacious killing field and just remind oneself of the accoutrement and why these ploys work to hook decent people into scams and lies which ultimately achieve nothing more than a ever widening disempowering rip off.

One of the characteristics that popped up again for me was a certain style of PITCH now a full level above where it used to be in terms of type design and all the nifty and good design features available for great visual texting now applied to the bizarre pitch, a script that just goes on in a seemingly unending recybling of CREATE TENSION, REPEAT MANTRA OF PRODUCT SOLUTION, CALL IDIOT TO CLICK ACTION... then begin whole cycle over again...I've seen the same format and style now expressed so widely across so many different venues and authors that I'm concerned there isn't a real frickin evil demoned out there having his way with people and channeling his evil genius through them once they sign away there souls.

Anyway ... I need to shake off these weebie jeebies and get something fresh to chomp on. Hope I don't have to do this little tour of the reality of evil on the web again.

2011-07-10T23:14:00.000-07:00

Good Time to Rest...

My spiritual wish for liberation and my attendant activity of researching possibilities and associated texts and philosophies has expanded to an ongoing 24/7 level, as of late. I am in need of some basic pacing though within this new level, as my health has deteriorated and I have new aches and pains that showed up just today, I think, from too much sitting on my butt.

I am progressing and growing and yet never fast enough or high enough. I still suffer a lack of clarity or focus to my practice (intentionally) keeping several different disciplines actively in mind these days. At some point, this hyper cross referencing analysis would be really nice to let go of in favor of simple calm abiding, perhaps.

Of course, it would also be very nice if USA's congressional government would get their heads out of their butts too, before the nation is thrown into a wicked collapse on the global markets.

2011-07-02T11:31:00.001-07:00

On The Heels of Stephanie

It's been a very strange couple of last days, which has seen an ongoing olfactory halluncination of sorts which evokes a supernatural feminine feeling and given my current focus on the Tantra Deities, most of them female goddesses, and how to recreate them along with my research telling me essentially that this is the one part of Tantric Practice I had missed, in effect pulling my old tricks of clairvoyance as I was already in the process of doing this research when I discovered the central aspect of the practice being to PLAY the part, to channel the energy, being, deity, goddess, whatever.

Well, along with this smell of wicked feminine sex, has been my invitation for it to come in. And so, I'm not sure what is really going on. But for sure, Stephanie has simply stopped communicating now for over 2 months, afgter promising me that she would never do that. And I took her word, because I thought it meant something.

No wonder I'm getting lots of attention from above, because this kind of thing used to just ruin me, and it should of this time around as well, but somehow it hasn't, and my focus and energy have risen not decreased. And, I get these inhalations of such pungent fragrance like I've never ... and nobody else seems to notifce So I kindof have just been wading through it, but this blop post puts an end ot all of that.

So, back to the grind and feeling like I'm on a 70s Acid trip ...

2011-07-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

In Memory of a Muses

There is rather, a newness, surreal and fragrant
interacting through the silence of my last love
my loss, my muse, brought a knot in my mind
I've been tied with over time, fitted in a bind
to overcome only by a long time-worn fashion.

This newness is everywhere, a flashing acid trip
the world itself reeks of a goddess' olfaction
and that accompanies, hails breeze of feeling
a roaring current, moving, chest pounding
a rolling attention and presence, conflagrant.

Inhaling her, I cannot deny her presence here
relief exchanged for my sorrow and fear, such
nothing left to react to her and ultimate power
I could not have born if my muse were nearby
now exhausted, inviting the goddess her reigns.

© 7/2011 rjduberg

2011-06-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

Cultivating Spiritual Discernment

(adapted from Eyes Wide Open: Cultivating Discernment on the Spiritual Path, Sounds True, 2009) 
by

It is a jungle out there, and it is no less true about spiritual life than any other aspect of life. Do we really think that just because someone has been meditating for five years, or doing 10 years of yoga practice, that they will be any less neurotic than the next person? At best, perhaps they will be a little bit more aware of it. A little bit. It is for this reason that I spent the last 15 years of my life researching and writing books on cultivating discernment on the spiritual path in all the gritty areas—power, sex, enlightenment, gurus, scandals, psychology, neurosis—as well as earnest, but just plain confused and unconscious, motivations on the path. Along with my partner, author and teacher Marc Gafni, we are developing a new series of books, courses and practices to bring further clarification to these issues.

Several years ago, I spent a summer living and working in South Africa. Upon my arrival I was instantly confronted by the visceral reality that I was in the country with the highest murder rate in the world, where rape was common and more than half the population was HIV-positive—men and women, gays and straights alike. As I have come to know hundreds of spiritual teachers and thousands of spiritual practitioners through my work and travels, I have been struck by the way in which our spiritual views, perspectives, and experiences become similarly “infected” by “conceptual contaminants”—comprising a confused and immature relationship to complex spiritual principles—that are as invisible, yet as insidious, as sexually transmitted disease. 

The following 10 categorizations are not intended to be definitive but are offered as a tool for becoming aware of some of the most common spiritually transmitted diseases. 

1. Fast-Food Spirituality: Mix spirituality with a culture that celebrates speed, multitasking, and instant gratification and the result is likely to be fast-food spirituality. Fast-food spirituality is a product of the common and understandable fantasy that relief from the suffering of our human condition can be quick and easy. One thing is clear, however: spiritual transformation cannot be had in a quick fix. [Actually, it only happens instantaneously, it is the understanding leading to it and allowing a person to present themselves as such for that transformation to happen that requires so much time and effort.] 

2. Faux Spirituality: Faux spirituality is the tendency to talk, dress, and act as we imagine a spiritual person would. It is a kind of imitation spirituality that mimics spiritual realization in the way that leopard-skin fabric imitates the genuine skin of a leopard. [Well, but isn't this humanity's sincerest form of flattery? I don't see the need for suggesting this as being corrupting when it is the basis of everyone's socialization. There are much deeper issues involved that speak to genuine spiritual growth in a person in which their self-expression loses the fetters of conformity. I don't think imitate out of any desire to achieve today, it is simple habit when one considers enough to belong to any person, thing, or place. You adopt patterns habitually. This is not a disease, just mental habit.] 

3. Confused Motivations: Although our desire to grow is genuine and pure, it often gets mixed with lesser motivations, including the wish to be loved, the desire to belong, the need to fill our internal emptiness, the belief that the spiritual path will remove our suffering, and spiritual ambition—the wish to be special, to be better than, to be “the one.” [Once again, how is a disease, this is a characteristic of the human condition to be in conflict, experience stress and ambivalence, etc. You don't get this from the spiritual paradigm you bring this to that paradigm.] 

4. Identifying with Spiritual Experiences: In this disease, the ego identifies with our spiritual experience and takes it as its own, and we begin to believe that we are embodying insights that have arisen within us at certain times. In most cases, it does not last indefinitely, although it tends to endure for longer periods of time in those who believe themselves to be enlightened and/or who function as spiritual teachers. [This is clearly a good one. It's the heart of weakness that we live imprisoned by, IMHO.] 
5. The Spiritualized Ego: This disease occurs when the very structure of the egoic personality becomes deeply embedded with spiritual concepts and ideas. The result is an egoic structure that is “bullet-proof.” When the ego becomes spiritualized, we are invulnerable to help, new input, or constructive feedback. We become impenetrable human beings and are stunted in our spiritual growth, all in the name of spirituality. [There's a weakness to this disease though being limited to a certain level of consciousness. The moment one begins to release themselves from dualistic thinking, this kind of structure falls apart from lack of use and value to he self. It also is natural to the process of spiritual growth just like a shadow is natural to someone standing in the path of very bright light (like our sun). The closer one gets to the light, and remains separate from it, the greater will be the growth a shadow. This is not a disease but part of the natural process. It is encumbent on the ascending soul to manage that shadow's influence and role in their actions and not identify but keep grateful and humble.] 

6. Mass Production of Spiritual Teachers: There are a number of current trendy spiritual traditions that produce people who believe themselves to be at a level of spiritual enlightenment, or mastery, that is far beyond their actual level. This disease functions like a spiritual conveyor belt: put on this glow, get that insight, and–bam! –you’re enlightened and ready to enlighten others in similar fashion. The problem is not that such teachers instruct but that they represent themselves as having achieved spiritual mastery. [LOL, yeah, this is definitely sick and well said.] 

7. Spiritual Pride: Spiritual pride arises when the practitioner, through years of labored effort, has actually attained a certain level of wisdom and uses that attainment to justify shutting down to further experience. A feeling of “spiritual superiority” is another symptom of this spiritually transmitted disease. It manifests as a subtle feeling that “I am better, more wise, and above others because I am spiritual.” [Hard to imagine when so few individuals ever actually escape their mortality fully by spiritual attainment, even though there's really nothing else worthwhile staking our claim on, it is only unconscious and those of us asleep that express pride in anything impermanent. Life is sweet, don't get me wrong, I only have this moment to enjoy and then its gone, where does the pride come in that? If it comes, check me in the hospital please ] 

8. Group Mind: Also described as groupthink, cultic mentality, or ashram disease, group mind is an insidious virus that contains many elements of traditional codependence. A spiritual group makes subtle and unconscious agreements regarding the correct ways to think, talk, dress, and act. Individuals and groups infected with “group mind” reject individuals, attitudes, and circumstances that do not conform to the often unwritten rules of the group. [Being a rebel my entire life, has led me always in the other direction from anything remotely looking like this] 

9. The Chosen-People Complex: Unfortunately, the chosen people complex is not limited to Jews. It is the belief that “Our group is more spiritually evolved, powerful, enlightened and, simply put, better than any other group.” There is an important distinction between the recognition that one has found the right path, teacher, or community for themselves, and having found The One. [Ouch, now this is one of the biggies, responsponsible for more maybem and carnage and violence between man, himself, and nature that I know of.] 

10. The Deadly Virus: “I Have Arrived” This disease is so potent that it has the capacity to be terminal and deadly to our spiritual evolution. This is the belief that “I have arrived” at the final goal of the spiritual path. Our spiritual progress ends at the point where this belief becomes crystallized in our psyche, for the moment we begin to believe that we have reached the end of the path, further growth ceases. [Yep, I've seen this one too. ] 

“The essence of love is perception,” according to the teachings of Marc Gafni, “therefore the essence of self love is self perception. You can only fall in love with someone you can see clearly—including yourself. To love is to have eyes to see. It is only when you see yourself clearly that you can begin to love yourself.”

It is in the spirit of Marc’s teaching that I believe that a critical part of learning discernment on the spiritual path is discovering the pervasive illnesses of ego and self-deception that are in all of us. That is when we need a sense of humor and the support of real spiritual friends. As we face our obstacles to spiritual growth, there are times when it is easy to fall into a sense of despair and self-diminishment and lose our confidence on the path. We must keep the faith, in ourselves and in others, in order to really make a difference in this world.

[In my humble opinion, Mariana has limited her view to the negativity of what is essentially false in ourselves in relation to ascending in the spiritual paradigm. The concluding remarks on Marc Gafni's quotes suggest this knowledge is critical in discerning one's path beyond. I find nothing critical about this knowledge which is does not of itself protect anyone from being "infected" LOL. However, there is some empowerment in being reminded of how many varieties of our shadows exist today. What is critical? The essential question begins with the verification of a teacher's lineage and living relationship to the divine.]

2011-06-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

Love Paradox

So much of love is cliche, and every cliche is devoid
Love, even the evil shadowy cliched moments, lives
for moments lived in pure abandonment and no return
Not repeats, not fads, not pleasantries, nor luxuries
but that they form a massive veil of distraction to us
is the almost limit to what gets shared in life shamelessly
instead of a recognition, the feeling of awe, a true love
gives endlessly for those present in a space of possiblity
an adventure of the heart in creating life with another
There is a path leading forward and aft, and a compass
to all points conceivable by us, as masters of destiny
Yet there are some points which aren't located here
and Love is one, it exists outside the material realm
and yet it expresses itself as the spirit of our humanity
Unexplainable, a kind of after the moment perfume
Every attempt to find it by following vapor has failed.
The last cliche of Love which is the door no one uses
is really that to know it one must create the flow of it
and yet the mind flows not and looks not, a paradox.

© 6/2011 rjduberg

2011-06-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

2011-06-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

Waiting in Abyss

I can feel you now, a phantom of soreness
a dark wood, a shifting shadow, drips silent
in this place, where the tears descend inward
I am alone, sunning the thou, still within flow
my muse, dearest, her warm perfume, sleep
even as cold air begins, the flame all but out.

My stillness persists, my homage to your gift
and grace unlike any before, divine beauty
the true muse of my life, and yet, an abyss.
I am falling, still, a flight made in your name
such is your memory keeping calm the way
My desire has turned to sorrow - that I fear.

You don't care. Should I? Evil fait accompli...
swallowed up by love, holding my breath.
Not enough though, to forget, impossible.
Somehow, I have been cursed to this hell.
Sleep comes despite this air of bitterness
for a dream that left me waiting in abyss.

Every lesson life brings machine like here
The step up seems impossible somehow
I am stopped by imaginations on my loss
I've learned this nostaligic cross is unreal.
And yet I still feel it's weight, amazingly
Well, this is my ode to heart of confusion.

When do I get to travel the road, across
where love is something you hold on to?
And you tell me I have it ass backwards
as I have been told practically all my life.
Well, there you go, I'm solid, automa(n)ton.
Long time sun, the longer me, a love's knell...

© 6/2011 rjduberg

2011-06-13T02:21:00.000-07:00

The Mystery of Choice

Remember the Oracle telling Neo about his choice. Recall her saying he wasn't there to choose but to understand what he had already chosen, why, and wherefor...?

Listening to various voices espouse their rebellious attitude and its alternative perspective as opposition appears to be long lived. When I took the EST training back in 1976, I was opened to this dysfunctional thinking lacking integrity. A few voices can be trusted though, like OSHO for instance, who is musing on the truth of enlightenment, by really suggesting a vision of mental negation which he sells us with his beautiful voice. Attitude is key to being, and enlightened attitudes resonate unity, from one to another, while unenlightened consciousness resonates separation, duality, dysfunction, and belief in absolutes. Their certainty is false - having no light, no illumination, but weight in static mental mass which anchors them to the past and illusion.

Choosing our choice is the movement of choice which is simultaneously a paradox of unchoosing. The still background listening to the idea has in it the sense of a "stand" or a "place." Consciousness is a harmonic energy relation between ALL and Self, with a self-reflective essence by which one can rely and perceive in oneself and others.

More important than anything else in understanding one's possibilities is a higher focus which is disiplined and trained by opening oneself to higher truth and power, divine grace. The path to this begins with understanding integral, non-dual thinking.

After gaining some stability at higher levels the reality and truth of the old saying about it being all turtles the rest of the way becomes an amusing wisdom and moment for levity.

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

2011-05-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

A triad of poetry

2011-04-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

Dad

Dad
Dad
Dad, Amazing, overcome
    in the end
Ochopappi, RIP?
    UnUh - Do Over, ya miss.ed
the mark - Dot.Org
    the one and only
Ya can't hang *in* forever
    unless you chose sun
    You are coming back, Jack

Nathanji

The container of
    lead
That boxy limit of
    mess
Somehow comes down
    in a paradox
When Shiva and Shakti
    remember
One was Not, without
    the Other
The unity is singularity
    in choice
That simple Dot.Org
    in a Bush War
Not so easily done
    and yet,
That choice does
    work
If One remembers Not
    to forget

Percy WhoosHe
Percy Jackson & the Olympians

Latest Potter redux pivot
    on paradigm shifted
Choice of Greek Mythology
    to first scored effects
And a blue-eyed Uma Glam
    in serpentine

© 4/2011 rjduberg

2011-04-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

Kabir says (One of the most famous of Indian sages of all time)

Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive.

Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think ... and think ... while you are alive.
What you call "salvation" belongs to the time before death.
If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
just because the body is rotten --
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now, you will simply end up
with an apartment in the City of Death
If you make love with the divine, now, in the next life
you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
believe in the Great Sound.

2011-04-17T23:49:00.000-07:00

It Happens All the Same

You didn't want to hear the shocking directness.
It really is the only decline, I decline routinely so.
When ignorance is annoying, all sleep is shocking
with all but the longest odds bringing it for an upset.

Just not your broadcast, where anything gets done
on the heel of hearing a few points spoken of, only.
Some say kind and gentle borders love's departure
where something named turns a man's heart, over.

Love slows the pace to the rate of understanding
where the light shines on places between transits.
And on that spot, we stand shaking, holding on
only letting you go can cure and find the holy.

Today is no longer a secret or mystery landscape
where one's death is all to easily lost to illusions.
Come and connect discrete paths of life extension
Acts of power increasingly free man from death.

There is the wind and the wind is us, passerbys.
When you take the moment for silent meditation
wait, wait, wait for that wave of quiet in mind.
Being kind and gentle will quickly be extended.

For the joke about enduring love in relationship
is clearly about comparing it to a grill's rusting.
Finally its simplicity of range over wide areas
that seems basis for the mass of best endurances

Which has nothing to do with wandering ladies
Everything required to expand and extend love
is already present and existing in one's interior.
That range is a matter of attending there greater.

COPYRIGHT © 4/2011 rjduberg

Maturity of a Warrior

2011-04-17T23:02:00.000-07:00

One changes facades by shifting the component elements of the facade itself. Self pity is useful to the user because he feels important and deserving of better conditions, better treatment, or because he is unwilling to assume responsibility for the acts that brought him to the state that elicited self-pity. Changing the facade of self-pity means only that one has assigned a secondary place to a formerly important element. Self-pity is still a prominent feature; but it has now taken a position in the background, in the same fashion that the idea of one's impending death, the idea of a warrior's humbleness, or the idea of responsibility for one's acts were all in the background at one time for a warrior, without ever being used until the moment he became a warrior. A warrior acknowledges his pain but he doesn't indulge in it. - Castaneda

All these tweaks of one's foreground/background configuration doesn't add up some how. I like here how certain elements of experience are clearly seen as purposeful aids in one's living and practicing the art of being a warrior.

Spring Humming Along Now...

2011-04-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

Springtime alas wild and noisy fornicating, brutality submerged in nature's gushing fount of hormones. Your Bumble Bee Buzz came to me today at the golf course, and I waited for the danger to show itself coming on around my noggin's backside. Turns out it was the most unbelieveably colored humming bird who took a perch and simply eye balled me while its engine fluttered in neutral still revving noticeably, threatening to explode in birdy flurry of which the hummingbird is so famous for. Craning its little neck to keep his eyeball on the surrounding foilage and the other one on me, and the most amazing sheens of radiant spring color would wildly change on the birdy's neck even while I observed.

Thanks for reminding of something only spring seems interested in, bursting forth like a broken dam only in a diversity of life second to none.

2011-04-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

John Abe's Totality

Don't miss a beauty of simplification in Abe's eloquent offer at his site IMTOTALITY

After I read his philosophical treatsie I posted this for discussion...

Just finished my first read, and admit to skimming the last page or two. But in celebration of an inspiring effort by JA, I will move along to a 'session' before revisiting what I didn't have time for tonight.

On Knowing and Going...I would like to talk about the aspect of higher energy descending consciously for myself, On the wave form side of things I would as well ask if the mathematical model's logic which formed part of the source of Abe's writing, doesn't extend better or further or recursively even given the model's essential legacy in its litany of function, operation, variability, and application in the very history of the idea of space as suggested as a command of the flat line state of origin. So, I'd love to hear someone's understanding of expressing higher vibration on the symbolic lexicon of Abespeak as it were. So far we have the logic for Totality in connection to everything finite, changing, coming and going, here and not-there, but also here and not-here looking from Totality.

Factoring is a good variant for example. Can anyone express the code to that calculus which solves for at least one aspect of higher vibration and energy using factoring on THIS IS IT.

OR, maybe you have a superior TOPIC infusing your mind right now with such knowledge that is FACTORED by design, but by design how?

Are Abe's ideas based on another unspoken rule of simplicity which is forged by the very unevolved logic called either/or, is attempting to plow forward without the ALPHA point of Totality, missing some internal point of integrity?

The view that without certain fortifications, IMHO, Abe's philosophy doesn't recognize or raise more METHODS (really harder than that sounds, denoting illumined path) to confirm key point of our capacity and ability to shift consciousness to unboundedness and higher or dimensions transcending time and space.

TOPICS seem of immense importance as wave forms, states, or equations. It seems lacking in more sophisticated logical terms...

Anyway, for starters, I think there are a couple of possibilities for anyone to ponder and respond to. Thanks, rj

An Inside look at 'not-doing' life, from inside the shadows

2011-04-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

Focusing on life by finding the void instead of the fulfillment, is more aligned to a shadow realm, to start. Taking the step towards unity of being, by expanding the number of dimensions you can activate, sounds like nonsense when expressed in words. As a paradox defines every extension of mind to higher dimensions, apply same here. Speaking from the heart can make writing difficult, no matter; such is the challenge.

The mission is like considering and working up the juevos to be more conscious at higher levels by intent. If it is ONLY a matter of personal power, just how the being expresses itself as a new process period, for starters... Think happiness would be an open stage to observe energetics of being. That would have to be replaced right away, still a good place to start, even if ... most people cannot relate to having it (state of perfection, ideal) be perfect the 1st time through, and the dry runs that indicates. Assuming it for the moment though, I find myself compelled to consider the difference in how higher personal power both is and is not more important than everything else. It isn't because ultimately nothing is more important, and yet it is.

Best Fresh Fantasy, awarded to IT

What a hand can do to you...

2011-04-10T00:34:00.000-07:00

Holdem is a fascinating game of 3 passes, the flop, a second, and the river. The river is basically the last card you get. I had pocket KK tonight, and started raising in the ante. I guessed his pocket AA (I was right). On flop I got my set of Kings, and checked to his betting his Aces with no raise. On the river, an Ace played leaving me a losing hand, both of us having full houses.

The point of the story was how a winning hand turns horribly wrong and loses you a lot of money. I will spend the rest of the night wondering how I could have changed that outcome. Pocket As would have to be strongest MOJO you can have face down. I played them down in the beginning because I wanted him to feel he was still leading and bet his money for my call. Had I come out betting, he would have to consdier the set of Kings as my motivation. In fact, it was, and by not betting them I assured myself of another (in this case he bet $1) side bet on top of everything. If I had correctly contemplated that river A, especially given its Full Tilt Poker ... I should have been expecting the set up. In the past, when I've been smarter than tonight and did expect it, I can always recall doing better because I lost less.

I'm sure at least one of my neighbors heard me moan loudly at the loss.

What is more painful is how closely this comes to what i hate the most about the web. Nobody can deny it's "the" perfect setup for it. Denial is so attractive to accepting that one is hopeless to certain temptation. The Sin of Man is pure genius and has to be seen as the real reason that Christianity has survived as long as it has as well as been the foundation of the weakest and darkest ages man has gone through.

Now you have Madison Scott, porno star cum art gallery owner, doing anal scenes to support the lagging art business she began. And the bio is clearly a pro prostitution procreative protoy proliberal in its position on sex. That Madison comes across so sexy in her pornos is the heart of the matter though, and yet, I know that if there are porno queens out there living off their porno income, maybe Madison is simpliy being scapegoated?

On the topic of scapegoats, I can see myself adding again to that list. I have a few on there already, and one I simply want there because...

2011-04-09T15:25:00.000-07:00

Leveling Up by Rita King (3rd in a series of 3)

Rita King, innovator-in-residence at IBM's Analytics Virtual Center and security futurist at the Aspen Institute, has made a very positive contribution at least in theory with a web site she has started, called, Levelingup.com. I recently caught a vid of her in which she described her vision of the future and how virutual reality was capable of enhancing our experience of creativity in the virtual world in order to improve and enhance our experience of being in the real world. And in conclusion she shared this new site of hers with the audience and basically said that if you give us the challenge we will make it happen ... LOL, right? So, I went to the site and all she has is a box to state your challenge with the promise that when the site opens, or perhaps when she gets finished being worked over by her legal department, she will get to you with a solution, hmmmmm ... well, this couldn't have come at a better time for me and my current little exposition and exploration of dance as an art form, shifting the focus from that rather classical paradigm of physical movement with all its bells and whistles to the paradigm of thought, more tapered to that small but leading section we call politics and which is the arena in which our collective self is attended to for the good of the many ... Well, if you're still reading, I highly insist that you visit the site and engage it with a challenge, and absorb the experience of this site as deeply as you can. Here's a copy of what I submitted and represents something a third section or revision to the original writing titled Who Speaks For You? This one is titled, The Rita Suggestion

The Challenge I face is observing a certain defect in humanity's social collective consciousness. For instance, at some point in the history of USA, our leaders determined that the cost in establishing a federal agency which regulated and supervised the quality of food and drugs sold to the public was not so great as the cost of innocent people being harmed by either their own ignorance or the greedy dishonesty of people who made promises about effects which often times targeted the weakest of us the most defenseless and most desperate. Yeah, that's a tragedy but when the volume of incidents reached such a noticeable daily increasing rate ... our leaders decided to man up.

The first part of this challenge is simply how to word the analogous question as it pertains to a different dimension or paradigm of being, that of our intellect. Everyday, it seems like the volume of corruption, in which marketing equates to manipulating the mind to consume, increases. This condition represents for me what used to be unconscionable sellers of sub quality food and drugs before the FDA was created to insure that money spent by those without enough, at least wouldn't be lost on food that was unhealthy.

There are certain boundaries which are better left clear and intact, unblurred as Rita might say. One of them is between commerce and relationship. When you piggy back commerce onto relationship then you have corrupted the possiblities of that relationship by limiting them to profitable exchange. However, the true serendipity of relationship occurs in the moments between and during what we normally think of as tragic or nonsensical and foolish. It is only then, supported by the nature of intimate relationship itself that we have the ability to pay attention and learn something new outside of our own programming, and even that occurs rarely and only in the most ideal types of intimacy unbounded by egoism.

The plain version of this challenge looks to me like my ability to simply be in the real world unfettered and unthreatened as I move and breathe, by consumerismistic information (advertising). Junk mail, and spam, come to mind as indicative of the LEVEL OF cost associated with this problem. I don't know the exact numbers, but were talking astronomically perverse, which is NOTHING BUT WASTE.

So, is there a way to lead the world that separates consumerism from the everyday world of being?

2011-04-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

The Minds' Dance (2nd in a series of 3)

The connection will find itself better articulated when I revise this essay, referring to the connection between what a ballet production at ABT for instance is all about and what serves as the essential counterpart venue for the intellect of man, suggested by my question as off handedly as I could think of putting it.

Movement as an art form, known as Ballet, has been raised to such a symphonic work that by itself it includes our emotions via music and our intellect via storylines. However, classic the those contributions are to the production it is the dancer whose movement seems to transcend natural law in expressing how the music and story are connected using the most sublime and masterful movements which resonate fully and completely and perhaps more than anything else NEWLY.

This aspect or focus is what portends the deeper experience of being she talked about. This is less a deeper experience of being than a more connected or integrated experience of being. The connection to my question Who Speaks For You? goes directly to the distinct possibilities which one might answer that question with. If it be myself, then we are speaking about a production of integrity expressed through THINKING NEWLY, if it be other than myself, then we are referring to what is fragmented in the mind, our conformity to social and family programming (just for starters).

Intellectual paradigms are still far too ordinary and disorganized for anything like a unified standard skill to take root around the globe. There is the obstacle of culture, language, and this is all complicated by severe differences in cognitive values, for instance in the west be they rational and reductionistic, and in the east ... not that.

So ... the real underlying question about the title, Who Speaks For You? is the question HOW LONG IS HUMANITY GOING TO PUT UP WITH THIS DEFECT in their collective unity and loss of power that persists as long as this condition persists?

I recognize that a few maverick geniuses do exist. I cited Jon Stewart for example, but another one is Werner Erhard and his work regarding developing linguistic distinctions and understanding which may form the basis and foundation upon which a solid mastery of the paradigm of paradigms may be acquired and NEWLY THOUGHT.

What I'm also saying is that NOTHING WILL HAPPEN UNTIL a critical mass of people demand it, voicing a loud enough public will to action, and the idea is or must be as simple as for instance the FDA was. And yet, at this moment, the real eloquence of that distinction eludes me, for now...

2011-04-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

Who Speaks for You? (1st in a series of 3)

A friend of mine is a professional ballet coach. There is no denying her genius for dance and movement. In a written statement she shared with me which although not written by her was something she felt compelling for how it brought a certain complete and balanced mental perspective on what her daily activity is so passionate about, at least in general terms. The eloquence of this statement for me was founded on the idea that what the author (a professional ballet dancer) is "doing" on stage is seen as something co-created, a deeper experience of being.

If only reason and thought were so easily judged and assessed by the rest of humanity as an audience of world class ballet attends. Where are we to begin this process of focusing our attention with respect to words and ideas.

And what does the overload of info and the glut of facimile (or mentation, reason, and thought which doesn't produce depth in the reader or listener only frustration and dissatisfaction) mean, and when and where will it stop growing in mass and volume? Is there a limit to how much noise and distraction a mind can withstand and remain healthy and balanced nevertheless? The difference in listening seems yet to genuinely be appreciated for what it is - as social pressure adheres us to conform and accept false images and copies of copies of copies, including pure garbage and nonsense.

It seems to me that even a freshman whose study includes logic and heuristic thought would understand that society lacks a certain intellectual integrity which for instance, at least in principle and authorized by law, a suitable agency exists whose mission is to maintain and safeguard certain standards of healthy food production, known as the FDA in the USA. Such institutions in society just don't manifest without tremendous public pressure, which is nothing more than a collective agreement demanding societal change as 'good' in the collective sense of the word. And by good, I also mean implicitly necessary in the sense that to continue the status quo has been demonstrated to be completely negative and destructive of the public welfare and good. Often, inertia can be directly traced to a certain ambivalence of need collectively IE too many pros and cons. Rational sober debate is a starting point and ending point for the mind in that arena, but what about issues which have little support simply due to their being for lack of a better term, revolutionary?

There are speaks of brilliance, conscious efforts of men in support of a saner deeper intelligently relevant mentality to be somehow benchmarked at least by our communities and countries leadership. Jon Stewart is a favorite, but it doesn't take too much thinking to understand his comedy is really armor against the system which he is trying to reveal for all of its corruption, idiocy, mechanicalness, hypocricy, and every other notion of mediocrity you can think of ... its all here, running our lives and minds, and there is yet NO ground swell of protest, nobody with "a dream."

Don't you find that simply becoming all too wrong? What will it take for us to organize against the insanity of conformity, the corruption of economies, the pollution of ecologies, all in all, phenomenon which reflect a certain missing integrity to the humanity's intelligent recognition of the balance and value of silence in the realization of mental integrity.

The first mistake is to think that truth is a commodity for sale, or that it can be purchased. There is no pitch, no argument, no credential nor membership or club, which can provide your mind with the truth. There is a world however, devoid of any order, thus; one merely has to look at the next step their mind's about to take to find their own grist to grind.

Quotations Archive

2011-03-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

He knows his death is stalking him and won't give him time to cling to anything, so he tries, without craving, all of everything." - don Juan in A Separate Reality, by Castaneda

"Warriors always take a first event of any series as the blueprint or the map of what is going to develop for them subsequently." - don Juan in The Second Ring of Power, by Castaneda

"Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose." - The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida

The task is not so much to see what no one yet has seen, but to think what no body yet has thought about that which everyone sees. ... But life is short, and truth works far and lives long: let us speak the truth. (Arthur Schopenhauer, 1818)

~Look in an Open Wound

2011-03-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

~Look in an Open Wound

This will heal in time. I can't say how it happened...
the first stub to keep me from walking, knifed back
until now - now she's stumbling, past any new view
no righteous female commander to world of intent
and the highest point in the history I call romance.

Stubborn, arrogant, fixed and dogmatic, her surprise
was not, bringing me typical denial to hide behind,
but how long I reflected it back to her and endured
the ache, now the break, of my achy breaky dis-cord.
Whenever she calls me friend, I will not forget to love
and forgive life for the shadows and darkest skies.

The irony is a stub the one dancer I've loved left me.
Taken really, by the cliche of her domestic paradise.
Points for style, points for grace, points for her face,
knowing the best has long past, leaving us to suffer
what a genius was born for, blood alchemy of bliss.

Just the debris while cutting free from binds to other
becomes, yet another bind in a frantic list of action
taking me away from inspired dreams, made of love.
Time slows, with every step unsure, and goals fade,
until the best, last, fade surrenders all vision of her.

3/2011 rjduberg

~Traveling, Mists Come

2011-03-26T05:06:00.001-07:00

A motion is felt, the move of land
is a world now alive to misty being.
Passing is perceived, empty the way
A man is thrown to lurching illusion
his genius is there, but rarely seen.
As he wins or loses, it matters not.

It's recognizing possibility of intent
and its relationship to his intention
the unseen mystery of his interior
illuminated by self-remembering
and liberated by higher measure
his genius is the principle act for.

Turning great diversity into consort
revealing the genuine man within
a compendium within outer chaos
emptiness that moves the cosmos
and all at once still void, paradox.
The Tao symbolizes this in elegance.

Like a drum, the eagle percusses
shocking the stream into waves
rising, with silent bleats, in wind.
The word is a prism of us in one
whose genius reverbs in an Om
a sound with shine of the aplomb.

A mind may dream such insight
in wordless act, indescribable
for seeing, preeminent, eternal
as much the fish as water when
swimming is for the fallen spirit
and man, one wayward station.

Sounds of my carriage circulate
in ears to points of material map
my golden steed's heedless step
met-a-for_mer whinny in a neigh
longing for wildest love to prevail
for a tour that travels everywhere.

And yet, a call beyond destiny
boggles travel, as mists come
just entering a gate, fey inclines
one must be open in this way
before the way opens to one.
Look inward unto inner find...

A Mood Uplifter

2011-03-15T14:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I found myself sending the following graphics to Stephanie, with the exception of the one of her in her wedding dress. But each one represents one of the fundamental centers of being in the Fourth Way. Having created this range in such a way between her and I, while it wasn't something I was consciously thinking about today, has certainly been on my mind at times in the past and suddenly today I find quite a remarkable snap of intent to see it through...

The centers of function here are moving, emotional, intellectual, and sexual.

Starting with One's First Intention

2011-03-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

"Warriors always take a first event of any series as the blueprint or the map of what is going to develop for them subsequently." - don Juan in The Second Ring of Power, by Castaneda

I'm going to let this post simply be a place marker for now. The completion of this essay hasn't really surfaced in my mind, although the value of FIRST INTENTION, never seems to leave it.

What I want to say has to do with that value and it not only being the first value but the greatest and last, the alpha and omega of one's life. If you haven't asked yourself this question, you haven't lived your life yet. If you haven't struggled with this question, you haven't examined the possibiliities of your life. If you haven't lived this question you haven't tasted the beauty of truth or the power of eternity.

Quotations Archive

2011-03-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

All minds quote. Old and new make the warp and woof of every moment. There is no thread that is not a twist of these two strands. By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. We quote not only books and proverbs, but arts, sciences, religion, customs and laws; nay, we quote temples and houses, tables and chairs by imitation. -Emerson

But the inventor only knows how to borrow. . . . Every book is a quotation; and every house is a quotation out of all forests and mines and stone-quarries; and every man is a quotation from all his ancestors. - Emerson

Our character is thus borne toward eloquence by how we conspire with the winds that sound us out, with how we respond to our shifting centers and play along the heaving circumferences of our condition. - Emerson

The Book of Mormon, A Broadway Musical

2011-03-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

Find a "review" of Jon Stewart's interview with the creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone at popwatch.ew.com, on their latest production titled, The Book of Mormon. While I haven't seen the show yet and may not for some time, from everything I've heard and read so far I am encouraged enough to feel confident in promoting this show unequivocally.

There was a moment in the interview with Jon when the word mystery was spoken as something primary to their purpose aka their personal higher authority/power. I like the idea of how they appear to be escorting in to society teaching perspectives on how to utilize mystery as an explorative tool, with the result being something quite germaine to peace and harmony. Certainly, a key step in manifesting peace is one's ability to be open to and appreciate different points of view. I think its appropriate that their "religion of mystery," representing a collective evolution in the paradigm of religion, would be expressed musically with its revelations in humor. In a post religious world of genuine holy freedoms these elements would be my preference, for starters anyway.

Quotations Archive

2011-03-06T14:35:00.000-08:00

“Things are saturated with the moral law. There is no escape from it. Violets and grass preach it; rain and snow, wind and tides, every change, every cause in Nature is nothing but a disguised missionary.” - Emerson

“Fate involves melioration. No statement of the universe can have any soundness, which does not admit of its ascending effort.” - Emerson
"...and the true romance which the world exists to realize, will be the transformation of genius into practical power." - Emerson

“A man should know himself for a necessary actor,” Emerson states. “A link was wanting between two craving parts of nature, and he was hurled into being as the bridge over that yawning need, the mediator betwixt two else unmarriageable facts.” - Emerson

~Ode to Rhiannon Runnin'

2011-03-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

I was singin' to her

while smellin' the air
Taken by the wind...
Taken by the sky...
She was mine but was
Taken on the sly,
behind a girl’s lie,
Leaving me to cry
Unable to say bye.
After years, she finds
this face - with smiling
eyes, gazing into hers,
in awe of love’s return.

© 022811 rjduberg

2011-02-27T13:53:00.000-08:00

MoonSea

Whatever differences may come
to others not serious and sincere
I have heard the Moon's laughter
regarding so many fictions levied
Over her own truth, light reflecting
for one vision that listens depth
sincerely, seriously, and silently.

There is singularity at the source
incapable of description here
yet, quite there, and yet, where
waters bring full circle light here
in shimmering beauty of shadow
reflecting moon shine harmony.

Coming home within humanity
it gives our sexuality its power
from highest source naturally.
Nothing comes nearer in fact
to this union of chaos and order
manifest in the divine blended.

In polarized yet reciprocal union
created out of pure reflection
we have the cosmic equity
which forms the foundation
of humanity's procreation
reflecting solidly and true.

© 022711 rjduberg

2011-02-23T01:13:00.000-08:00

To Die For

The part of life I have cared the most about,
enjoyed the most, learned the most from,
found the most inspiration as a result of,
came unglued to most with,
spent my nights awake over the most,
ever became ecstatic over,
ever felt my life martyred by,
or felt like martyring my life by,
not to mention just dying for.

Well it died just yesterday now
after revealing itself as a fraud.
Letting go was never so hard
and yet, who can hold on
in the face of a bracing wind
to the tail of a tale about vapor

There will be no wake for the crying
those better left alone to think it over
might just complicate things if they knew
the manner of my lover, lying I could trust her.
Despite her persuasions and sleight of hand
which defied my reason and better judgment
for years, only to suddenly call on my attention
with that old pattern I honestly thought was over

found everything at risk to begin had evaporated.

2011-02-20T20:16:00.000-08:00

Lover

my heart beats
sound your name
in my soul as clear
as rain, as radiant as
the sun, and as deep
as the ocean, as beautiful
as a starry night, and more
fragrant than any rose.

2011-02-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

~The Talent is the Call

Bringing light into the world making life possible
would be the sun's call and her answer shines
without condition but without recognition, love
and a talent that makes miracles like this world
remains so far away, its said too close burns ya
and every feather I see floating is what remains
of those who got separated from their shadows
when blinded and dehydrated, surprise surprise.

Nobody blames her, life thrives more than not.
Of that I have to believe, like a moon shadow
Her talent is a world that loves her still, so, well
even while not knowing, their being calls her.
If I have a soulmate then as much as you, her.
And if I am sideways with you, then with her
while the weather will roar in darkest shadow
Even Gaia cannot stand love that is wasted.

Being a man requires you to negotiate love
against the unbearable thought negation.
The cost skyrockets after so many declines
and nothing good comes in that descent.
Gaia tells me the same, a brother as well
Skewed is a little town I'm accused of visiting
when the descent bankruptcy begins to win.
This ONE TIME, my star will continue to shine.

A flashback proper ummmm ... Oh Alice ...

2011-02-14T05:56:00.000-08:00

The major facts which I find relevant like a hammer. Today has seen me pumped full of higher energy from somewhere I didnt attend to, really. Now, there's been a breach and I'm afraid virus' more than anything, and I'm far too cooped up, but I can't deny Steph hon is a schmumongous hottie that girl ... has secrets I will not tell. But I'm telling God right now did he get all of that one or what? Some would say I've been blessed, LOL, that would make my entire life if she opened up to me in reality. Dreaming.

But who needs reality when her fantasies are just smokin YES...ok then ...

~Death Rambles to Hell

2011-02-13T22:05:00.001-08:00

Itt's sad again to run into my melancholy, unexpected distress now
change, now, some added survival skills
slow is for me, ranged out comfortably, ticks are lost on others
change of atmosphere's Kelvin is never missed to my extremities
hands and feet, numb as hell
always noticed, always in mood to engage legendary futterwacken
a lot is rarely noticed except by function, and some moods don't care
I got em spread out more consciously now, their essence comes
along a measure of energy singular or combined, mess kept separate
for messy minds in past and history tonight, the way back, unkind
SCAT FACT
Just feeling clear enough to quickly harmonize a frequency polyphonic
energy vibrating at a certain rate, pace, or dynamic range is aligned
Right now I am on the tail of a big flop, in full polarity reversal
and nothing is very pretty about such a sight, felt invisible butt ugly
known only by new felt energy, heard by inner ear, with an inner eye.
ENERGY in a MOOD
But tonights mood strangely suggests I lost relational respect
after earlier today dramatically stating how much I need her
I felt so much pain over losing Renee I threaten suicide to her
and there's nothing odder one finds than desperate pretense
you know your going to face whatever, if your ruse misfires
but nothing could be expected to be greater for the magnitude
expressed in an actor's talent to be sincere despite negatives.
There's no honor gained by forgetting to de-stage in present
where reality exists and life is limited to existing processing
process existing like death ramble to hell
to make death early and merciful my answer
for what?
NOT THIS
Stephie's convincing me no matter what, she will not cheat.
That one is a real stormy pit with surging cold front coming
front surging in me, backside will wait until eye floods not
in dry whisps wheezing maybe, tired of crying over a girl.
WATERSOGGY
She convinced me with concurrent moods unfamiliar now.
I just feel the inevitable pain of being axed permanent like...
my inward horizon unseen yet felt beyond foggy notions
I've learned to trust even if wrong, for such errors instruct
us, to lessons of abstract nature to prepare the eventuality
of our escort to manifestations reflecting nothing familiar
old conditions overrun by abstract knowledge, now here
makes a new mood - so highly desirable.
I liked the old ones when she was still mine to have
it's worthy even if untrue for my dreams of any sanity
MOODED
grace, high and dry, less being fav...
The thought of losing her still bloody's floor with cardio
my chest wounds leave me broken without the sorrow
for I'd rather not end my days in a world without her
and I'm pretty sure my frenzied attempt to re-negotiate
the new mood's shadow, cast over my heart like a hat
failed miserably with another slow roll to the presses.
I take as some kind of compassionate compromise
where extra time is provided for me to get used to it
LOL
casting shadows on my face like that
and used up in encore between surviving issue
sees me choking on view to extinguishing flames
the idea itself reprehensible, only she would
unafraid, and really without care still so graceful
so much that these lethal wounds she disallowed
and now this makes a second time with the one
whose to blame! ... when all is mutualized nutbag.
NO
still engaged but connection fading, right?
how much time? is simple, shorter, no doubt
what hope have I remains a crime third time
still a third time really sucks somehow
and I should mention that any killing
possible not for lack of weapons
or killers and triggers
would favor me by ending this
by doing me first
so sick to see her
a third time, is odd, is it not?
COPYRIGHT © 2152011 rjduberg

PS-I hope she never reads this, and my experiment remains less influential outside my control. I prefer her maintain social grace with positive notes even if volume decreases steadily and unresponsive for glory of past.

Somewhat ashamed my general westernized idiom use here hearkened me back all theway to Renee ... so concerned that my choice on a subject that sucks like this will offend or irritate a reader's comfort with this poem.
It talks to a specific time and place and understanding relevant to my life and it sucks but wtf? That's the ramble to hell man

Open to suggestions for replacing my current navigational maps with new associations, for sure.

Namaste,rj

~Relief in Need Needs No Theory

2011-02-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

It's oh so early but not nearly for my insomnia
spending time like spare change on confection
comes not unlike the extra lbs of middle age
this morning as I braille matters numb in hand
running on empty again when long ago dry
One part per million I've heard is too much
how to discern that in one's spirit weighs humble
on so many operations one's mind will execute
chaining along a linear fashion is trope norm
while a few oddballs throw in knots of dreams
which cue one to stop, and play the back side.

In this memory of power once driven round
all these knots have become a kinder route
with the chains of moments flowing in time
vanishing falling even wandering off remote
a few special kinds of noisy pieces are kept
to remind me that while I prefer not time
ways remain myself tethered unfortunate.
this waste of now in such noisey alarm
keeps me awake, aware of my aches of age
Would life be without ointments and heat
power sources I can plug into in the pinch

Such time constrained reconaissance
would be for not, leaving one part enough
to seek my future and succumb to the rest.
The relief of braille may bump a paradox
yet I find the more relief the better the now.

Graphic for Death of a Valentine

2011-02-12T05:37:00.000-08:00

Archived Quotations

2011-02-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

The only thing that is real is the being in you that is going to die.
— Castaneda, The Fire From Within

"The greatest secret of monarchic rule...is to keep men deceived and to cloak in the specious name of religion the fear by which they must be checked, so that they will fight for slavery as they would for salvation, and will think it not shameful, but a most honorable achievement, to give their life and blood that one man may have a ground for boasting."
— Baruch Spinoza

“...Before considering the question that is seemingly always the most immediate one and the only urgent one, What shall we do? we ponder this: How must we think? For thinking is genuine activity, genuine taking a hand, if to take a hand means to lend a hand to...the coming to presence of Being.” — Castaneda, The Fire From Within

"...If warriors are going to have an internal dialogue, they should have the proper dialogue. That's the detached manipulation of intent through sober commands." — Castaneda, The Fire From Within

"...one cannot speak of anything at any time: it is not easy to say something new; it is not enough for us to open our eyes, to pay attention, or to be aware, for new objects suddenly to light up and out of the ground."
— Foucault, The Archaeology of Knowledge

...one of the most blinding of all errors in our search for our true nature and for paradigms which enhance our participation in life is the confusion of who we are with our consciousness of things. We confuse being with being conscious. — Werner Erhard, Essay - Being Well

Another Beautiful Sunset in Imperial Beach

2011-02-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

May the Biggest Spammer Win...

2011-02-02T13:01:00.001-08:00

Most reasonable people would agree that it doesn't make sense that the companies who own or take part in a network of interlinked websites should rank higher than those who don't. And why should the websites that have people "writing" boatloads of blog comments outrank their competitors who have no desire to spam others' blogs? If you're commenting because you'll possibly get some link value rather than because you feel the need to add to the conversation, it adds unnecessary clutter and should be considered spam by the search engines (in my opinion). I wouldn't be surprised if 90% of blog and forum comments fall into that category, as do most articles submitted to article directories. - Jill Whalen,CEO of High Rankings, Boston MA

I read this today and the ambivalence I felt represented Jill's occupational integrity and courage in calling out one of the biggest of the big boys responsible for the show we call the internet on how the facts don't match up with their spin. Understanding how the trail that leads up to Google's door is one of the most lucractive and expensive ly maintained cyber paths you can find today, the defacto cargo which that road carries, there can be no mistake about, liquid capital, money for short. The western advise for deconstructing any commerical enterprise called "Follow the Money," is a key factor in analyzing internal Google policy and operation, because of its primary place in their economy and in conjunction with the skew between factoids of function and statements of policy. Thus when asking the question about black box results not justifying policy one has use money in the first variable to find the closest or smallest angle of attack in generating an explanation.

The skew then becomes less about error and more precisely about money and its leverage between functional results and how far Google's statements can veer or appear to still obtain poilcy if the questions regarding greyness in those results can be dismissed in light of a minimum set of cold hard facts obtained. Another word for this corporate spin control between operations having a skewed skew or derived skew has historically been propaganda. The way Google avoids this kind of reputational negative has to do more with the fact that Google's royalty and huge such that they acquired a form of monarchial power to their base. Thus, spin with the purpose of persuading or convincing or generating more support, necessary and part an enterprises strategic planning for competitive response no longer supports or impacts corporations economic health since the days of acquiring larger market share or over.

What the challenge is now to succeed IS in NOT giving any critical mass of content leading to dissatisfaction and rejection based on the sense of being lied to or not adequately supported or you name anything involved in a perceived lack of integrity or lack of innovative pace and speed and the challenge now is containing that everything in that box from getting out and becoming visible to the client.
Jill's article may lean a little bit in favor or her own personal and corporate bias, and such managers of critical review content must be careful about their rhetoric, carefully qualifying their assessments and editing out bias to be successful in their jobs journaling on an industry where every event and operation exists only because someone was courageous enough to invest in a new paradigm of design from which to generate solutions current programming was too weak to address, just looking at this from a pragmatic and economically viable angle. Risks are taken both out of a commitment to vision or excellence but more rroutinely because of the possiblility of bigger pay check or payday that such efforts on new development are justified by given the massive organizational support and retooling that often comes with them.

What Jill has given me pause so I could revisit my mostly cynical attitudes towards eCommerce applications which dominate the internet as well as Search Engines, which as I have already described exist at the most expensive locations where nothing but money travels and clients get treated to the back doors and alleyways so that all resources for transfrering and accounting for money are state of theh art. These doorways are gigantic perversions of infrastructure you can find at the pinnacle of business today. Shocking realities which are quiete rarely seen in public media and reporting (the real propagandists) and kept free and clear of the trouble makers like Jill by simply censoring all who travel their letting only qualified money carriers enter and exit with some very esoteric encrypted passkeys.

So there's the money, and the skew, and the logical connection with the concluding inference that money is buying the skew, and paying the owners to CONCEAL results thus maintaining the public impression that the company's purpose is not being manipulated and thus the public's vote and their choices limited and/or monopolized, worst of all that market share has been coopted and now owned instead of competed for OR that god forbid what the public is being told is a fabrication and misrepresentation hiding these facts due to the likelihood of sales revenue fueling a competitor or competing market, NOT that general revenue is at risk since its dominated these days by the advertising dollars which form the basis of why the skew exists in the first place.

It's a fascinating phenomenon of corruption to consider and credit must be given to any reports which suggest or organize the intel which expresses the truth for less sophisticated laypersons, naturally existing in positionsn of regulation and governmental oversight, people most vulnerable and given into schmoozing buyoffs and bribery tactics, backroom dealings and their own form of compromise and spins aimed at more ideological pursuits instead raw profit.

Next ... What's really going on here!

2011-02-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

Death of a Valentine, 2011
She's a ginormous goddess, fresh and natural
wizened through falls, gaining so much grace
she is a champion female with a divine touch
intelligence composed, understated, brilliant.
Her focus, an arc of grace, dances in a ballet
once upon a time, awing audiences on stage.
She is my self-reflection perfected in a woman
I have only adored more, each and every way.

But now that she's returned, be glad your late.
For I am not so feminine, nor nearly as brilliant
and things slow to me, while others keep pace.
I don't see an end coming to always being last.
I have gotten a solid point in this never-ending.
Complicated naivete in reserve, forward hurts.
Whatever comes last, of and out, of this moment
is my tradition, I have no one to blame but myself.

I write this poem for love, celebrating wonder
over my capacity to still feel love in my heart
especially for her, and hearing hers still return.
Just doesn't matter much to anyone anymore.
I've been waiting all my life for a girl like her
whose virtuosity is a flowering within my heart
I may yet get the rep, so often weeping starts
It took days at one point for me, to understand
I am making almost everything up in my head.

When I came to, I was once again sobbing
over the realization our love is fading history
and what I was engaging, all virtual in limit.
Leading once again to the original tragedy
whence I lost the chance as her Valentine.
Forever now without her deepest intimacy
seems worse for being my principle suffering
in ongoing struggle with wheels on the spin.

She is really so incredibly hot, love so true
Thus a poem to remember my role to wit
with a Valentine requeim made to honor
and the rest to recall how losing post felt
with a note on being humbled by love
and so it is even at the time of this write
My love for her was never greater, despite
knowing all is ruined inward, a future black.

© 2022011, rjduberg

dedicated to Stephie

One of the best cracks I've found expressed by don Juan....

2011-01-30T10:10:00.001-08:00

"Everything that we do in the world," he said, "we recognize and identify by converting it into lines of similarity, lines of things that are hung together by purpose. For example, if I say to you fork, this immediately brings to your mind the idea of spoon, knife, tablecloth, napkin, plate, cup and saucer, glass of wine, chili con carne, banquet, birthday, fiesta. You could certainly go on naming things strung together by purpose, nearly forever. Everything we do is strung like this. The strange part for sorcerers is that they see that all these lines of affinity, all these hues of things strung together by purpose, are associated with man's idea that things are unchangeable and forever, like the word of God." - don Juan, Castaneda, Magical Passes

Just read this quote above this morning and while I have been studying the and articulating the limits of langauge and thought expressed here by don Juan, I can't remember it ever being put so well in terms of simplicity and coherence. I think he gets right to the point without even ever really labeling the nature of it. One of my fav quotes.

Emergence and organization towards a taxonomy of organizing relations

2011-01-30T02:16:00.000-08:00

I have argued for a physical basis for all ontological forms of emergence and consequently appear to be denying the possibility of a great wonder of the universe: its meaningfulness. But I want to suggest here that in fact I am arguing for an even greater wonder and that is that the physical, material universe itself is capable of conscious existence through its interdependent accumulation of complexity. In other words what we normally think of as "mental" is in fact a characteristic of complexly organised forms of ordinary matter and requires no miracles for its development.
- Jones, S.
______________________________________

Find that explanation hard to digest? This is the state of the art as far as ontological reason applied to the subject of consciousness expressed by physical beings. It renders the flatland of reductionism with and added dimension of cascading or ordered magnitudes as an essential MEANS by which a possible explanation for consciousness as emergent from the physical stuff of our physical being's constitutent parts. In other words where ordinary reductionism satisfies the necessary links and connections which exist among an organized set of constituent parts forming the basis for the emergent coherence and object being expressed at one step higher but due directly to the interrelations among parts. What Jones is attempting to ram down our throats is that consciousenss is just a meta level spanning the entire system and emergent from both all levels, all objects of coherent function and all constitutent functioning. From that perspective he suggests what emerges is the experience of being conscious. While it extends the reason along already emerging lines of meta logic on the integrating one's VALUE across and/or spanning separate paradigms, it to do any justice to the nature of coherence which consciousness must express as emergent from the physical.
What is the snag here preventing us from languaging the reality of consciousness, of which Jones' attempt was a gallant attempt but nonetheless worthless in identifying the emergence of consciousness ontologically. He does this knowingly it would seem as I recall early in his paper him speaking about the Irreducible quality of consciousness which is non-physical, but in the conclusion he forgets to address how function emerges in a non-physical operation to create meaning and value abstractly vs among the array of methods properly defininig a neuro net and feed back system.
His attempt to rebuke I think comes in talkin about the ontology of language and how nothing in our language exists without some phyical corresponding reference. This kind of specious reasoning is a bit disappointing. On the one hand ontologically one defines language by physical measures or info perceieved and inventoried into sets which then are given linguistic names. However, that doesn't prevent the evolution of memes taking place on purely randomized non physical days of foamy chaos. We live for these days or at least our best humorists do and the reason for that is because it is precisely this ontological blind spot of Jones' which completes us as human beings.

~Yours Truly

2011-01-16T15:37:00.000-08:00

In response to a challenge from a poet's community of mine over the following quote ... A poem is never finished , only abandoned - Paul Valery (1871-1945)

Yours Truly

Poetic power is a creative strength,
less an order of magnitude. What is
at the source, words, needless define
a subtle quality then missed in rhyme.

Here in the west, horizons list, belie
a future we believe, just emerges; here
we wait while time gains on what not
while future stays forever past us, there.

Thus never finished, only abandoned
in west, by flight to inner eastern light
where nothing begins, a route to end
makes a void, humorless, tasteless, fin.

So it was this poet traveled far away
before transcending the old manner
reversing the slide of my muse in stride
where words I used, used me instead.

Don't fret the mystery, for the mystery
can be gotten without effort or sweat
evolving the mean to encompassing
when the poet vanishes in a muse ally.

I say get used by the word, all mystery
and your act inscripts thus creatively
being free of any efforts to achieve
as you simply let be, YOURS TRULY.

1/15/2011 rjduberg

Hold on to your Hat

2011-01-02T23:04:00.000-08:00

~Sagacious Orator

2010-12-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

The speaker's stage set
upon the cue
the veiled consciousness
freed of itself.

The intent to oration
is a bizarre contraction
forever the sound confuses
ignorance, revealing a void.

And he spoke a line, meant
to connect a relative scale.
He spoke not for love, now
in service to please, all Being.

He was fond, and yet, loved
though others found him mad.
Those who were silent nearby
began to realize themselves.

Stunning Mystery of Life

2010-12-25T18:15:00.000-08:00

How wonderfully impossible to describe is the actuality of this PLACE we call Earth where we live in my waking thought and awareness tonight. Whisper, shhhhh, for here she is right here, and that perfume makes me cry. No lover, no girl, no goddess I've ever laid eyes on matches the immensity of beauty and love which lives directly under my feet and unlike stories of creators, my true gratitude rests and is for her, this place in the cosmos for which my life, what there is left of it, has always been unable to fathom even as it pervades every pore and dimension of my being.

~sanguine sang the words i love you

2010-11-19T14:22:00.001-08:00

Everybody wants to hear
the sound that loves them
music for one, transcends
when the heart enjoys
resonation deep in -
A medallion of calm
turns chaos to contrast
the celebration of life.

Nov 2010

Rally Against My Insanity

2010-11-04T07:31:00.001-07:00

*dedicated to John Stewart's Rally for A Return of Sanity, 10/30/2010

To issues of complexity, is something thus contrived?
I look at the ocean and see complexity truly alive.
I cannot concur a self so responsive, while I aspire
No is a facade I present to balance a chaotic rivalry
between knowing and believing, real and imagined.

For just this moment, if I may cast a new self to make
A real no for a stand, against my negative expression
where I halt steps to my ill-conceived myriad manners,
like so many recursions over simplicity reduces friction.
Sing against mechanical knowing of what will proceed.

Perhaps no better a place exists to purchase a cliche
just this once, for a successful rally against negativity
having surrendered to a self lacking the eloquence
to reject the incompetent manner of a self negated
by the twisted false self, self serving act of hypocrisy.

How I manage all defeat by self prophecy, is less -
than my own untoward rejection of good, by fuzz
I offer a homage to humor's value in this process
and understand other's laughter provides focus.
"Blah, blah, blah," I said missively, "or something."

I now rally against that innocence as contrivance
And note the cliche of truth equated to something
and my sincerity juxtaposed to my teacher's dismay
in a class laughing uproaringly, skipping the question.
Pride, rebelliousness, vanity - conspired to make me.

The tension my manners, innocently suggesting, are
a discordant state of mind seeking a quest against
true answers, true questions, and smart relevance.
Pure vanity and pride matter if we lack a response.
And rallying, a question asks how to restore sanity.

Let this moment rally against din of false begging
where innocuous logic using innocuous notions
stated simply as something, raise a veil of derision
instead of being honest about asking a question
where no right answer begs us yet, to stumble on.

Understanding Degrees of Difficulty

2010-11-03T17:27:00.001-07:00

With respect to Gurdjieff's view of man, that part of us that believes we can "do" is false, and yet due to our mechanical identification with it we not only protect it with all of our being, we are powerless to progress in the work of self remembering. And we respond negatively to our feelings of effort which do not achieve any penetration, insight, or result. On top of all this, this false self based on belief and imagination rather than truth, resists any effort to verify the truth about being, beginning with the idea that in our current state we cannot do. What this false personality creates is a reasonable saga to explain why things happen the way they do. This brings us to another layer of difficulty having to do with imagination once again insofar as given objective knowledge and even some degree of insight false personality grabs ahold of the idea and stops any and all action which might assimilate that knowledge, effectively shutting down and negating the possibilities that were present. It's as if we are mechanically programmed to accept the idea without verifying it, like being told where the door outside is without actually stepping through it - when the main objective is to go outside!!

2010-10-27T03:26:00.001-07:00

~The Case for OpenSource Code on the internet

Works for me. The open condition will invite a better tone to the across the "netboard," which is always preferrable to me when especially when I'm seem like I'm in a slide.

We decide the reasons why.
That always entails a justice
that nails eloquent, we quote
our own brand answers, on wind
It's out there stalking, and waits
there's is a trick, Carlos said...
Funny guy, one time serious stu
as I became my own, I laughed
hard, in roll jerking my head too

still not convinced of a difference
to the wave of the hand, by grace
to a voice, speaks a unique name
you call it, This foolish little fiasco
we both know what peeps-seem
I can't tell you what ain't real-see
That's how I talk about that reality

I'll never forget the young times
a boundary moving us through.
Be that as it may, jack...
There's a forested mountain
you can still find your way back
if you're willing to climb a mass
of rock, past more mass on it
way up, where there's wind
for the joy and strangeness
incomparable listening makes
especially of the countryside.

So many women, (then) one day
and that was that for the girls
Like beautiful thought, came
ecstatically, always orgasmic
Waking up the young of yum

Who needs to check this out is...
Dave Matthews with is find guitar
And a butt like mine, spanked
over the time spent - I ran there.
Always its mis-communication...
never, is anyone on time, here.

The more important ghost echos
falling music in my soul loudly
and all around my head, not fun
my ass takes the biggest beat
must be why I get so confused
ending up at the casino then
But I'd swear she's right there
laying on her side, smiling wide
Just the darkness of shadows
The travel can be harrowing

Now Emerson wants the eloquent
to say that people are quoters
at heart their identity is absent
and indicates men are asleep
Trying to work in a segue for that
and not upset awake strangers
I'm reading Emerson for fun
and consult with a number
of potential goddess models
and nothing more eloquent
than the tricky Shamans today.

I got miles to go on that
before I can get out da way
Take that last slide in sand

That's where she'll be
if she's not playing something
needing better resonation
instrumentals she allways loved
In the beginning, it was chaos
nonstop madness, pure hor-

Here's to those that putt it
There's nothing like a round
to get the juices flowing
But, working at a course
there are so many calls
made to fit for Emerson

~View of the Plain

2010-10-24T01:46:00.001-07:00

View of the Plain

Above the Plain, there's a special space, Emersonian
The argument is rather a lame duck, brutal nevertheless
I'd rather give more room to having fun writing my poetry
But the truth is far more nebulous, causing little in interest
What is real for Emerson regarding words, asks the question
Even while we may voluntarily investigate these paradigms
what he makes specific is the involuntary part of perception
forming a common parlance to a hidden entrance of the soul.

It's very hard to see, especially since any clarity is less than nice
the resulting 'event' seeks to exit life's flow with extreme predjudice
rather unconsciously, due to past reactions of trauma, add as a fact
that there's plethora of variation to what all that is non-voluntary
including a special complex case of active will, the one exception
The importance of this kind of socially based knowing is provocation
Agitating a reader in a just way which calls something important
in the reader, into question, not to invalidate but compel a living answer.

Just playing around with poetry, exploring Emerson's genius is arousing
I can post this View of the Plain as a introductory poem for the time being
Though it doesn't impress me with approaching Emerson's level of tension.
The thing for Emerson seems to be the quality of provocation made for us.
Gonna try and spark a little progressive segue in smooth transitions in here
for now....

© 102010 rjduberg

note: First in a series of poems that will span my current reading of Lysaker's book about Emerson and the notion of Self-Culture

2010-10-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

~Convergence of Child

When the tide is right, is the view masterful in the light
and when the master looks, is not all - a tsunami of love?
What better manner of recognition lends itself to man
once a child, consumed by his own windy exuberance
defining such delight, twirling for the crash standing up?

Discovering higher dimensions exist to bring us to a halt
understanding nothing exceeds boredom quite as well.
Requires something more than reverence and willful fall.
Of timing, this present moment expires, in eternal irony.
A true man humbly begins again until converging it all.

© 92010 rjduberg

Her Fall Legend

2010-10-12T11:52:00.001-07:00

And she was ...
and yet...
here she is...
and I am...
once, twice the man ...
in love again...
before the almighty...
absolute blindness...
reversal of fortune...
simple exchanges...
tasty kisses...
tornado chasing...
pupils flashing...
awe inspiring...
divine feminine...
mother too...
gods, her children...
madness of butter...
churned inward here...
and yet...
a shaman's question...
no better test...
living a quicker...
love eternal...
dream power...
sun and moon...
flying or floating...
her extreme heel...
heart condition...
better laughs notice...
tantra yoga...
revision impression...
prepared with binds...
free and unexhausted...
a thing to repeat...
occurring ecstatically...
beautiful divine grace...
all time sighs, naturally...
reason why deluded...
feeling insanely...
longer longing forever...
disipline of being...
perfect timing...
sweetest dreaming...
coming of autumn...
spring's perfection...
her legend...
Fall is mine.

COPYRIGHT © 10/2010 rjduberg

Groundhog Rhyme

2010-09-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

I thought of you reading there, ahhhh...
So intelligent, sensitive, and kind
Anticipating another merry go round
No doubt, I've misplaced the notices
by those unwilling to hurl over my furls
too often closer to bovine cud than not.

There I was on the pristine bower looking
Your words - all - make my virtue a pleasure
Hit or miss you know, I do remember times
when I wrote in the zone of poetry read,
I adore those poets with disipline to write.
Even tonight, I've managed to kill a bear
while getting bit by the nastiest skeeters.

I could pray for talent entirely natural
allowing me to transmit unbound beauty
in poetry, from just looking at this nature.
And, I admit the thought arose too, for not.
I have learned not to mess with sources
for any reason, preferring purity of mind.

And do not bother with feeling grateful
about how I spared you your upchuck
by writing from inside a genre just read
instead of slamming other words badly
It's still the greatest exhaustion in my life
these sketchy rhymes beat me at times.

© 92010 rjduberg

To be or not to be...

2010-09-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

This is the only way anyone can frame the question of truth (in the beginning)? Beyond this requires a level of heroism that is easy to spot but rare enough to challenge the status quo, and certain to raise new lessons for one's life. That can't I dare say ever have been a pleasant experience.

We all choose how we respond to life freely. Any denial can be overcome with a balanced attitude and humor. Desire matters first before anything else.

Dedicated to Sons whose mothers recently passed, being older doth suck.

Heart of Bliss

2010-08-28T14:19:00.001-07:00

Just happened today, amidst all the normals, and their noise of course
isn't it such a disgrace, we still lack harmony on our own streets and corners?
What began with that, expanded in volume to surround the rest - I guess...
For all I really knew was the sheer pulse generated by my voice harmonic
and there I was thinking about this phantasm of feeling over a song I sung
I began now to ask about what that feeling would look like made to sound...
I was watching a growth of magnitude sure that this universe was feeling, now
returning me in color of newest green straight from my inner joy - to hear more
everything possible became mine and within no time my emotion pitched
a glorious amplification into the harmony of vibrations my whole being rang.
Now this, now that, and both as one, time and again, comes this flourishing...
Ohh, my playlist I find now pausing, and the shock reveals an inner mystery
It's still here, but remembering a level of being just found, now after 50 plus
thinking what happened in my mega-harmony got missed, of course.

I never thought it would come like this, being alone with a heart of bliss.

COPYRIGHT © 82010 rjduberg

Hostage Trip of Hell

2010-08-27T17:07:00.001-07:00

This body is under an attack of ghostly terror
Already unreliable for demands of attention
evolving, accelerating, of rapid illumination
my body is groundhog, drowning is scripted.

The flesh makes procreation matter to death
and while becoming conscious of freedom
my flesh's self starts to search farther beyond
never succeeding. 'Out there' spoons no exit.

What desire understands, means to vanish
itself with self, from the endless yarn of cycle
Now it only creeps alongside fleshling waddle.
Mind's footing so tenuous by All's distraction.

A tactical genius is required to reset the spirit
forces a plenty, which together might render
another plane of consciousness empowered
within self's metaphysics, neutralizing tension.

Present to the world, I feel the force of sense.
The logic of my flesh defines precise function
that is expressed with mechanical clockwork
along gradients of purpose, effectively acted.

That's not you, nor me, all withal forgetting,
leaving vast debris of hubris, our night-falling.
Next time will be worse for the quick fixes.
Possibilities remain, silent still to illumine...

Oh, but such fantasy with this body, mine.
Here I sit having the sense time runs thin
knowing its my flesh's subjective view
on a trip even less desirable for its hell.

COPYRIGHT © 82010 rjduberg

Those Heralding Grace, A Toast

2010-08-26T19:08:00.001-07:00

Those Heralding Grace, A Toast

Upon the land he found his feelings wrenched
tight in a knot, And everyone clammoring to be
heard next, driven by need only violence becomes
this path forsaking love the mystery has the knot
by the throat and then, some make a point well
for right, that no harm shall come to them, we honor -
such as custodians of prime nature, modern illumined.

For with them our humanity's destiny endures, chance
cannot penetrate or ruin the seed of love in harvest.
We are one here, conscious of this higher vibration
a state of being caused from the absolute above,
Remains eternally what it is, never born, nor reborn
never falling simply risen by final inward recognition
and for a lucky few, objective knowledge spoken.

Look how a mind falsely represents its living owner
by attending outwards and presenting that, names
interacting with things, made up with shadow crests
when the who deserves name in sacred utterance
of a spirit incarnate, free and real, conveying soul.

Once too arrogant to speak softly over what not...
I take refuge now in listening to truth sung by love
even while I keep furling my main sheet as a vent.
Alone, I now toast those unparalleled custodians
who may never understand what heroes they are.
I raise my glass to love and them. heralding grace.

© 82010 rjduberg

The Eagle, Cage, and Magic Karma

2010-08-26T14:50:00.001-07:00

Appearing upon eastern firmament
reflecting western sunset, blazing tall
wrought majestic by chance encounter
days thence and face to face shudders
with what was days earlier hailed eaglet
now stood two terrible feet tall before me

Silent, still, shocking, a witness to my yelp
lifting in turn 6 feet wide carried invisibly
the pulse of her wings, a slow nonsense
her size continuing to diminish until lost
while I sat there unable to breathe this
in my little cart surrounded in a cage

What possibility makes karmic vintage
the most beautiful poetry in fullest sense
where turnabout turns out tears jubilant?
I beheld my limitations on that fence
Grown up - a eaglet's lift and soar into sky.
The beauty of spirit freed, found and home.

© 82010 rjduberg

New Grips

2010-08-16T04:13:00.001-07:00

Too fresh and young goes right for the throat and bruises.
Tonight, I thought of a new schizophrenia, added to my list
the old fav, a rite of passage, mental illness on borderline.
I was never so bored then, now keep list of craziest juices.
When Ricky G invented lying, and Jennifer G picked him
over Lowe, more than some heat - generated by that girl.
Matthew's is Some Devil; a genius; he is Shiva blessed.

I was shocked to find myself resisting avalanche of spirit
so late in life, while I spend my time pretending otherwise.
It's not the white light, blindness, dumbass, or the witness -
falling ever behind, it's how long the flight - before my time.
Nevermind what I want, Santa got lost - in this impossibility.
After awhile, learning to be patient makes no difference.

You had me before? I died and came back in some fog?
asleep, let the world imprint something external of fashion?
Now invisible, worn smooth, the stubborness still has grip.
Afraid of what letting go will bring forth, turns up the heat.
You take some extra special inhales, humming; for today
new color coordinated, cutting-edge grips, have arrived.

© 82010 rjduberg

Tonight we were both right?

2010-08-16T02:49:00.001-07:00

It's so nice when you can march with an adversary and walk away feeling that both of you honored the process, somehow? Huh? I don't know how that happens except that there's a special quality of our listening that accounts for the essence.

And ... maybe a few other influences I won't mention.

One I really am developing a PRE-Passion for is a new hallucinogen which purportedly can recreate a fully realized state of consciousness induction, by chemical... I hear the high lasts 20-40 mins. with no negative side effects under solid normal. And you experience infinity behind the cessation of one's EGO. What that is basically saying is that they have learned how to target LSD on that area of the brain which tunes to your EGO, that is until I read how much money a trip costs. I didn't even see where to start, I just know that whatever could be found is present right here, right now.

Made me sad that I wasn't interested in giving John a hug when he asked, the heart missing for something like that. Some bitch gave me that scar.

Rest of day was spent rhapsodic, in divine reaches, and now the wind is calm. For awhile, I was reverberating with memories of the most fragrant and exciting perfumes my girlfriends and a bunch of other women I chased as well, wore. Then there was this really nice expansion into various other but far different kinds of associated events which were no less for the satisfying, like wet newly mown grass in the morning mixed young sweat from a team on the gridline.

There's really nothing more important than translating vibrations of mind into whole body and whole being understanding. Well, let's just say I've been passionately expressing myself, with an understandably intense effort, and transcendence, easy and ripe. I've got the catalog backlogged.

Lastly, a shift in visionary thinking also took place although unintended it really seems unexpendable and necessary to reach a higher level of consciousness. I was musing again on a Hero King ethos reflection by social design. There's another hidden dimension there to the paradox of humanity's current dimensional status agreed to on bigger scale be only a beginning. Just starting, where we are going, invisible to what? how? for how long?

And then there was the death wish that popped up, scaring me a bit but just another realization and expression of my self, or maybe hints from above. As I was saying, the most important part of today was feeling the appropriate relationship between higher and lower and HOW it related to me and vice versa for sure.

Just thinking how little I want to know I guess, and the flow from up their is SO intense and constant and diversified, making feel like such a fool. Naturally speaking of course, I'm really HerO KinG incarnate - haha.

And now, I'm beginning yet another yoga. Is it a next step a higher possibility, a greater process with greater proimse? Yes. The Book of Secrets will take me 112 steps to be more precise <vbs>.

Retrospect, shows me how much better a simple playlist shared and enjoyed can be when its new and somebody's creme de la creme. Anyway ...

Groovier Grabbing

2010-08-15T20:21:00.001-07:00

My goober goosey gladdens in gracey giggle that tingles.
Hymnally, the goopier rant gains the glam of chanting jingle.
The delight of breathing is giddily gobby with the gushy vibe.
Going gimpy, I bestow ghostly glow, groovier, sweet feelings.

© 82010 rjduberg

Transit of Delight

2010-08-12T08:06:00.001-07:00

Standing on the dock in this arriving mess
without waiting captain, a sea waits wide.
Inward, ocean horizons my soul a compass
for the seafare, a sloop made for my father
his eternal rest left it high and adrift, a cloud
in my sky of dreams, a quest for command.

This metaphoric seduction costs me pretty
a balance lost against the external grinds.
Disables, rescinds, cancels, and otherwise
ties a dream of freedom in dirge to dock.
Command expresses external axis to act
in labels moving to response from a past.

Thus everything belonging to the present
including truth, energy, beauty, beings =
are immune to the clinging of command.
Poetry itself, language manifestly inward
requires a muse that transcends its world
where order of function must needs rule.

My present furls on the dock of my transit
enough I reckon, to satisfy a good board.
I'm on an expedition to vibrating present
Where what comes from higher sources
is kept consciously so, distinct from below.
My unfurled delight sailing a windless wind.

I ask only for natural harmonic continuity.
Look for me playing on that wave crest.
The best shine radiates a cleared deck.
A good sailor makes an art of this work.
Where consciousness of higher and lower
allows higher influence its enlightenment.

© 8/2010 rjduberg

The Tantric Mongoose

2010-08-01T16:56:00.001-07:00

Women need clarification, according to Shantam Nityama (Mongoose), from men. This requires men to be in touch with the streets and to complete their relationship with mom. This means loving one's own energy without compromise, not dumbing down, or invalidating. ...
I like this teacher's focus and his protege SashaCobra as well.

Electricity (positive-male) needs to be balanced with magnetic (negative). Male and Female is just another way of representing this.

We know fogs

2010-07-26T16:51:00.001-07:00

We know fog's about color inhibition
the damp vapor is a din to light
black and white gradient unfolds
without muse, mystery, or wonder
just the oscillating echo of a past
along with random waves of time.

You'll find it often at ocean's foot.

8/2010, rjduberg

to recognize force, being plays

switching channels on the fly
until letting it all hang out says

this moment, this day, pays...

with a glow that sweats love
and this gift of paradox slays
what once thought itself Self
for consciousness of the real

and stumble mumbles asking
what is the force of the force
I live?

COPYRIGHT © 6/2010 rjduberg

Laughter Dancing

2010-07-19T09:44:00.001-07:00

Dancing this morn more bursty than flowing
Coital pop, flaming hot, grinds peak and stop
So quick, so loud, so deep, so wild the flame
I cannot speak of it, nothing remains of it
Except for my breath that smokes and smells

To witness in another unseen moving power
continues to escape unmindful attention
confuse those working with sincere aplomb
while being celebrated by the rhapsodial
also known as the dancing madmen of old

enlightened mind at rest, laughter dances.

© 6/2010 rjduberg

Fragmentation a Syndrome of Sleep and a Bitch

2010-07-16T23:59:00.001-07:00

I'm counting on most not reading beyond the title of this entry post. The real story is that in men I don't find fragmentation the same way I do in Women who bitch. Men are more apt to whine or quite often resistance across the board makes the whole of them asses. The problem is just as much an issue with women but not spoken about with as much tolerance. Women don't tolerate other women or themselves speaking about fragmented women going over the top when it comes to behaving decently.

Their negativity exists in their having killed the segue in their intellect.

Non-fragmentation can mimic this condition when the woman is anti-partriarchal (every woman by default who never experienced one positive male role model growing up in life ). This leaves lacking precisely that kind of function in her being which men are gravitational at intellect. Beginning with the simple make wrong act or role in the simplest mind and ending with literary masterpieces transcending whatever genre they manifested evolution in. With the grey inbetween filled with intellect of such color along the gradient going from black and white through (infinity -1) colors.

Understanding how math relates to language for instance is a question of intellect which would never be found fragmented, assinine, asleep, bitchy, unkind, or otherwise insensitive. Actually stepping it up a level to transrational thinking, in observing how Math grew out of being an thus it's dialect might be called Being.

In the flip side of this, using words for their mathematical principles and relevant structure objectified in symbols. But words, can represent infinity in a way perhaps only a shadow at this point but something which mathematical computation breaks down when articulating the relation. The equals sign means relation however infinity = nothing in classical math which quantifies. In order to fully understand how language can communicate to a mind still ignorant that dimension of experience that relates to infinity, the shadow of words ie math, must be placed at the floor, b&W and fragmented. This involves our being as I've already suggested, when I made gender an issue for distinction. In our being, ignorance is controversial, the main issue for those a step up from being complete asleep, that rise in consciousness reflects in parallel and encompassing one's being. Leaping ahead to the point then ...

Almost a ceiling, which itself remains objective consciousness for me, being able to link parallel perspectives on present circumstances is a question I was in earlier tonight, before the pressure of corresponding became dominant.

My insights tonight were inspired by the recognition that placing spirituality before and above anything else dimensionally to one's being, removes all attachments and connections to the floor. Once one frees oneself from anykind of static relationship to themselves, one is able to know their spiritual possibilities and start actualizing their potential. One is not free however to respond to freedom by increasing one's ego.

Today, I observed myself chasing self satisfaction and saw the ego for what it was. Dreadfully seductive and the site of expectation. Such is the nature of all expectations, that they are really just one of a number of pillars holding up the ideal which was the seed of our indiviuality and the extent of our belief in it. While this could be called the Psychological dimension of our being, distinct from Spiritual, there is a fundamental principle regarding decency of behavior which correlates in the Spiritual. It is a pillar because it is much more than this or that but achieves appropriateness in relationship to present circumstances and conditions. These words all have a dynamic operational bias and that bias is relative with the balance between almost all static and all dynamic makes sense when one integrates physical correlates.

At any rate...the question right now is whether or not enlightenment which is universal and absolute can be articulated without the disclaimer regarding words having significant relativity yet in our being to succeed in that articulation?

Dust Up

2010-07-04T11:40:00.001-07:00

This morning found me slopping out a Dust Up, or at least that's what I call a list of a principle remix of my personal illumination, something like a rolling integral status check (from a sometime somewhat, to this right now) ...

Question of Effort (A daily renewal)
This is a call to the heart of the heart of life itself and making today successful for being fully lived, consciously evolving.
Call of Creation (Muses)
Attention needed and maintained for Creativity as an Evocative Response. Ask and ye shall receive. Be careful of what you ask for.
Music of the Spheres (Interactive Harmony)
The attention needed to allow mechanism (of self) optimum evolutionary capacity, expressed through a musical quality that is a harmonic rifting of spheres.
Rim Dancing (Celebrating a Good Wash)
Unless the systemic mechanism is not CLEANED in goodness of emptiness, itself a simple but exact routine, potential liberation will not manifest. To this end we MetaRecurse the process by having fun, removing negativity from action of cleaning that results in more PROPER routine separations of byproduct from our energetic transformations. Thus, sitting on a throne, evolves; with the Crown dancing on the Rim (of the cosmic toilet bowl! Pow)
Kissing Insight (Social Values of Spirit)
Something higher graces every moment, is present, and is the bliss of self remembering
Translating (Understanding Whispers in the Wind)
Unawakened consciousness expresses a overflowing teacup of piss, start to finish. Intuition or awakened consciousness expressing divine truth is same process only shifted with the source being an emptiness from which the unmanifest unfolds its diversity with higher consciousness voicing its unity.
Vision (Destiny's Rep)
Unfolding personally, this is a physical marker, some make into a crest. And then later, as the ego is replaced with higher service, this banner may include associated icons which are emblematic for each group vision one embraces in life
Relativity (Cosmological Order, Priority, Higher vs Lower)
As the captain of your soul, the quality of your ship's crew involves an economy of their efforts in exchange for progress on the open sea and their quality of life or health maintained and praise for their sacrafice. We come together in order to share a higher possibility of being otherwise any old ramjet with half a tank would do. Thus, what is relative retains our capacity for reverence and the priviledge this is. Once lost, the door is open for misery, and she will walk in before you notice it is now too late. The confident have faith that at every moment regardless of illusionary karmic vicissitude there exists a higher choice we can activate evolution with, sometimes layered with a shell of detached non-identification, called this too shall pass, with dynamic stillness allowing relativity to be viewed directly.
Question of Expansion (Vertical Movement)
Kundalini Yoga suffices to answer. I once caught a beautiful moment of this Vision with my camera, in the sky above as a lone contrail in an otherwise empty blue sky which had transformed figuratively into two serpents facing each other uncoiled. Really, this is bringing your future unfoldment into the timeless presence of your divine now consciously recognizing the process. One cannot avoid the shock of each cycle, often less a giggle for the bite. Simplified, it is a question of letting go, releasing one's grasp, eventually releasing all fear, keeping one's attention here active and the process high in priority for how it relates to vision, and I pray our liberation.
History(Teaching of Stops)
Unconsciously or not, descending or not, life is a movement from here to there, with certain exceptions in which as I so fondly love to quote someone who remains like gravity for me about this, "...you can't get there from here." How, why, where, and when does this happen? Integrating this lesson is to complete the Transcendental in this life of perpetuity.

Epilogue
This is a dust up of the timeless expression in my attention today. Is this too much to ask you to understand or otherwise desire too? I recognize there is unavoidable resistance of this nature and I appreciate it though I challenge this by inviting you to let me exchange (this) mine for yours. That's how we like to roll in a rift of poetic slamming anyway. Are you game?

For Understanding

2010-07-03T21:58:00.000-07:00

Over the last 13 years since brushing death with congestive heart failure, I have consciously turned to poetry as a therapy when my broken heart sorrow was too much to bare. My muse has been such a divine gift, you don't find at the corner market, and nothing in the world has anything to say either. The gift is received within and desires to inspire an ultimate action. This action is blessed by the muse for understanding what needs your attention regardless. The choice to act is not an issue to muse but rather a constant call one's muse steps in like some overseas long distance operator. And, while I can describe specific effects that happen to quicken my vibration and spontaneous connections relevant and energizing as the muse moves within, I'm finally coming to a place of calm in which my attention is turning even further beyond what muses understand. There's really only gratitude for what grace and blessing I have already been given in this sense as I feel nothing but happiness knowing my muse stands here ready to evolve as well.

My muse has made me so giddy and kinetic, I often feel unequal to her charm and power. And as my own path evolves beyond self expression into self remembering, I am not too sure how to say the love I feel for what has given me so much insight throughout my life, because that love is aboslute and nothing spoken or known can express what it means that forever means more than ever will ever be and after. What I feel for now might help is just a little attention kept on a tune, a song sung about how beautiful a muse is - a call to higher calling.

~ The Blind Word

2010-07-02T16:38:00.001-07:00

One morn I rose and looked upon the world,
"Have I been blind until this hour" I said.

Announced, declared, original copies presume
to a repetitious brew, aligned with flow so special
every rhetorical, historical, relevance queues culture
of an ordered feeling of confidence in knowledge.

As language recombines subjective memories,
the calculus strips the juice leaving mass illusion.
Does anyone know who to blame for this loss
where being awake is unoriginal, so mediocre?

Kung Fu Panda knew a blank scroll for his due
It was your authority of assumption to mention
that made Dragon Warrior a manifest illusion.
Still Panda original, our hearts retained delight

Forwhatis eternally original?

Mistaken Panda's secret lesson in hour, profound
feigned in poetic tribune, achieved in your muse
that little colorful swirl in the flow, fluidly balanced
made a drop of word burn, unblinding presence.

© 7/2010 rjduberg

...Taste the Divine

2010-06-20T20:57:00.001-07:00

5...Taste the Divine

Once you separate enough to choose the wine
with the knowledge you earned, in the grind. Learn
depths, escape traps, feed the kind, love, the pain...
Invent yourself, the sublime, the surreal, synchronize.
Remember everything radiates a consuming flame.
Seek eternity within, enter, have courage, a heart.
If we never meet in person, keep trying - love.

When Irishmen Play Golf...

2010-06-20T18:40:00.001-07:00

In 2010, G McDowell, won the USOPEN at Pebble Beach. It was amazing to watch. Imagine the joy at seeing your very small community's champion dominate the world, in a match where nature gets the leading role?

It was enough of a charge, that the usual drama I hear during the day from others lost its footing and place, and mattered least of all. Not too say there wasn't a lot of shouting about it, but that's the beauty of writing, not that I and advocate text, but since texting for decades already, I know when and when not to is how to roll.

The point of vibrational evolutionary acuity has got the stage.

Jivana finally delivered a rough draft of her narrative, and now as if the drama couldn't have gotten any bigger watching the USOPEN, I have a formal crit against my drama...and I'm supposed to do what? haha ... having fun in the sand in Imperial Beach and now I'm smarmy somehow ... hmmmm?

I guess I just have too much fun for some. And for the rest, I'm sorry if I come across outraged, mad, odd or what...